Home
>
Small Business
>
There Are No Dumb Business Questions, Not!

There Are No Dumb Business Questions, Not!

Q: I'm curious. What is the dumbest business question you've ever been asked? -- Norris W.

A: Shame on you, Norris. There is no such thing as a dumb business question. OK, that's not exactly true. There are dumb business questions and I do get quite a few of them. Not through this column, of course. People intelligent enough to actually use a computer and surf the World Wide Web would never submit dumb questions now, would they. OK, that's a lie, too. I've gotten a few head-scratchers in response to this column. You know who you are, but don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

I have a confession to make. Writing an advice column, whether it be advice for love or money or business, is often hard to do with a straight face. Occasionally a question comes over the digital transom that just makes me go, "Huh?"

It's kind of like trying to stifle a giggle when Grandma breaks wind at Sunday dinner. Some things are just better left ignored.

Of course it's hard to blame a dumb business question on the dog.

I've been writing advice columns for a long time. Most of the requests for advice I receive are sincere and intelligent, and as a (usually) sincere and (somewhat) intelligent columnist, I feel obligated to dispense the best advice I can for the betterment of the person who asked the question.

However, once in a while a real stinker hits the old email box and it takes everything I've got to resist shooting back an answer that is worthy of the question asked.

In other words, when I get a dumb question, my gut reaction is to respond with an answer of equal intelligence, or the lack thereof. Something subtle, like, "Forget business, my friend. The best thing you can do for mankind is to go find a pair of sharp scissors and run? really fast?"

Stupid is as stupid does, Forrest. Greater words of wisdom have rarely been offered before or since.

Then I remember that as an advice columnist I have a duty to my reader, my editor, my publisher, and above all, to my family, who enjoys eating on a regular basis. There aren't too many openings for smart aleck writers anymore (darn that Dave Berry), so I bite my tongue and respond to the question as intelligently as I can. That usually involves requesting more information from the reader so I can offer an informed answer. It's not as satisfying as firing off a sarcastic retort, but it is much better on the old bank account.

Since you asked the question, Norris, I feel obligated to give you an answer. What is the dumbest business question I've ever been asked? I'll let you decide.

The following are real questions from real people that are running around loose among us. If you recognize your question please don't be offended. This is all in good fun and remember, ridicule is the sincerest form of flattery. Or something like that.

Here's a question I get at least once a week: "I have never been in business before, but I think I'd be really good at it. Can you tell me what would be the best business for me to start?"

Hmm, how about one that involves the Psychic Hotline, since that's who I will have to consult to answer your question. I don't know anything about you, your background, your abilities, your talents, your experience, or anything else. How can I possibly tell you what would be the best business for you? Who do I look like, Miss Cleo?

Here's one of my favorites: "I need to make a lot of money really fast. What business should I start?"

You need to make a lot of money fast, huh. No problem. I have one word for you, my friend: counterfeiting? Somebody hand me an umbrella. It's raining stupid in here.

Here's an oldie but a goodie: "I have a killer business idea, but I don't have any money. Do you ever invest in businesses or just give advice?" Unfortunately, I only invest in non-lethal business ideas, so I'll have to pass on your killer idea. Thanks for thinking of me, though. This window is now closed?

And my all-time favorite: "I have a great product that nobody wants to buy. How can I make customers buy my product."

How can you make a customer buy your product? Piece of cake, buddy boy. Try using the same method I use to make my kids mind. Threaten to put your customer in time out if he doesn't buy something from you right this second! Don't make me get up and sell you something, young man?

I could go on, but I think the point is made. Keep those cards and letters coming, boys and girls. It's readers like you that make this job so darn interesting.

Here's to your success.

Tim Knox

Small Business Q&A is written by veteran entrepreneur and syndicated columnist, Tim Knox. Tim serves as the president and CEO of three successful technology companies and is the founder of DropshipWholesale.net, an online organization dedicated to the success of online and eBay entrepreneurs.

affordable house cleaning Park Ridge ..

In The News:

Holiday shopping scams surge as fake refund emails target distracted consumers during Black Friday and holiday seasons, costing Americans billions annually.

The AI-powered IRMO M1 exoskeleton features four modes, including turbo, eco, training and rest for hiking, running, cycling and sports with eight-hour battery life.

OpenAI announced upgrades for its ChatGPT Images platform on Tuesday, saying the program can now make more precise edits and produce images more quickly.

Chrome for Android now turns web articles into AI-powered podcast conversations. Get hands-free browsing with Google Gemini's natural audio summaries.

LastPass faces $1.6 million fine from U.K. regulators after 2022 data breach exposed 1.6 million users. Password manager failed proper security controls.

Petco disclosed a data breach exposing customer Social Security numbers, financial account details, and driver's license information due to a software error.

Baseball teams can now analyze complete swing mechanics in normal training environments using Theia's markerless AI system that processes standard high-speed footage.

Smart home hacking fears overblown? Expert reveals real cybersecurity risks and simple protection tips to keep your connected devices safe from hackers.

MIT develops needle-free glucose monitor using light technology. Revolutionary device could replace painful finger pricks for diabetes management.

The ClickFix campaign disguises malware as legitimate Windows updates, using steganography to hide shellcode in PNG files and bypass security detection systems.

Researchers from Osaka Metropolitan University designed a 21-foot dome that combines aquaculture and hydroponics to create a self-sustaining urban food system.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

ChatGPT data breach exposes personal info of users through partner Mixpanel. OpenAI confirms names, emails compromised in security incident.

Android rolls out Emergency Live Video for 911 calls, letting dispatchers see real-time scenes during emergencies. Great for holiday travel safety.

Malicious Chrome and Edge extensions collected browsing history, keystrokes and personal data from millions of users before Google and Microsoft removed them.

Google's new Call Reason feature lets Android users mark calls as urgent before dialing, displaying an urgent label to recipients using Phone by Google app.

Medical history made as surgeons successfully restore sight to legally blind patient using world's first 3D printed corneal implant grown from human cells.

Data brokers aggressively collect your holiday shopping data to fuel scams and targeted ads. Learn how to delete your digital profile before 2025 starts.

Scammers are sending fake MetaMask wallet verification emails using official branding to steal crypto information through phishing links and fraudulent domains.

Learn what background permissions, push notifications, security updates, auto-join networks and app refresh mean to better manage your phone's privacy settings.

Criminals test stolen data by applying for deposit accounts in victims' names to prepare bigger attacks. Learn why banks won't share fraud details.

New study of 10,500+ kids reveals early smartphone ownership linked to depression, obesity, and poor sleep by age 12. Earlier phones mean higher risks.

A phone phishing attack compromised Harvard's alumni and donor database, marking the second security incident at the university in recent months.

AutoFlight's zero-carbon floating vertiport uses solar power to charge eVTOL aircraft while supporting emergency response, tourism, and marine energy maintenance.

A new phone return scam targets recent buyers with fake carrier calls. Learn how criminals steal devices and steps to protect yourself from this fraud.