Spasms & Spamocidal Mania

Below is a letter I wrote to the following organizations:

S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous)

N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Association for the Advancement of People Who Hate Spam)

P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Hate People Who Don't Hate Spam)

P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a Lifestyle Choice)

S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S. (Society for the Advancement of People Who Really Really Really Hate Spam)

P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Hate Spam So Much It Makes Little Wisps of Steam Come Out of Their Ears)

And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet Resource Directory Services.

DEAR FELLOW SPAM HATERS,

I'm writing to suggest that we combine forces in order to present a common front in our righteous war on unsolicited commercial email:

Spam!

I suggest we disband the myriad sites and organizations now opposing unsolicited commercial email in order to form a single, unified organization:

The Spammish Inquisition!

And I further suggest we elect me, Linda Cox, as our leader. Our Grand Inquisatrix!

WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS?

You think YOU hate spam? You don't even know what hate is!

I hate spam so much that I... well, just a LOT! That's how much!

If I hated spam any more than I already do, I think my head would burst into flames and spin like a top! Can you say that?

Don't think so.

I don't mean to say that I don't hate other things too, like pedophiles and nazis and that drunk guy who backed over my cat when I was seven.

But spam... hooboy!

SQUISH 'EM LIKE BUGS!

I believe we should have a constitutional amendment allowing cruel and unusual punishment in the case of spammers. Maybe that tummy thing like the Japanese do when they get depressed.

As with drugs, mere possession of bulk emailing software should result in the immediate confiscation of the computer it was on, as well as any nice clothes, jewelry, or lawn statuary that might have been purchased with spam profits.

Just thinking about sending spam should be illegal, like joking about bombs in an airport. If I get to be Grand Inquisatrix, I'll have my own force of men-in-black dudes to sniff out spamsters and be really mean to them and call them names until they promise to be good little netizens again.

It's for their own good.

IN CLOSING...

Having looked at the websites of some of the anti-spam crusaders, I know that I am not alone in my revulsion, disgust and utter skin-crawling contempt for spam.

Like them, I have turned a blind-eye to more mundane problems like hunger, illiteracy, disease, country music and poverty so as to focus on the true menace ravaging our cyber-society.

If you wish to support my crusade, you may do so by sending me $99, and as a free gift I'll send you a CD with the email addresses of 40 million netizens eagerly awaiting news of your latest product or service.

Linda Cox, G.I.W. (Grand Inquisatrix Wannabe)

P.S. Oh yeah... stale croutons. Hate 'em.

About The Author

Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild-eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru. (The horses were just regular horses.) http://www.lindacox.com/

executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport car
In The News:

Getting virus alerts on your iPhone? Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you learn how to handle fake scam alerts and boost security.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says opening emails is safe, but risks arise from interacting with links, attachments or HTML content.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals four signs of compromised Social Security numbers and offers five steps to protect yourself.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how MAB Robotics' Honey Badger 4.0, a versatile robot, now walks underwater with amphibious skills.
An updated Android trojan called FakeCall hijacks bank calls. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Android phone manufacturers and Google need to step up their game on security.
The Massimo Modular E9 is a sleek, smart and comfy tiny home in 409 square feet. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson takes a closer look at what the future of housing might look like.
Every stock trader should consider a virtual private network to safeguard their trading, according to tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson.
Apple recently announced its new lineup of Macs and rolled out Apple Intelligence, its latest artificial intelligence-powered feature for its products.
A Swiss-engineered robot can climb ladders, showing why it's at the cutting edge of autonomous robotic solutions for harsh industrial settings.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson presents the cities targeted most by robocalls, why this is happening and what you can do about it to protect your privacy.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson shares tips and suggestions for how to get the best use out of the updated Calendar app available with the latest iOS update.
Your Social Security number, your unique identifier used for many purposes, has likely been leaked on the Dark Web; here are some steps you can take to protect yourself.
Researchers have developed a new technology that creates strong, sticky fibers capable of lifting objects and capturing things from a distance.
Smart rings track the same things that smartwatches do, including steps, sleep and a general overview of your overall health, and they tend have more battery life than smartwatches.
Researchers have developed a robotic finger that can perform routine medical exams like those conducted by doctors, helping to address the growing shortage of trained professionals.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Insurance administrative services company Landmark Admin reported that a data breach from a May cyberattack affected over 800,000 people.
Sotheby's will auction the first artwork created by Ai-Da, the world's first robot artist created in 2019 by British gallerist Aidan Meller.
More than 250 million users of the Verizon Messages app will have to switch to another app. Verizon is shutting down Messages in the next month.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson provides a list of 10 celebrities who are the most targeted by deepfake scams, including Tom Hanks.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Vast's Haven-1, launching in 2025, transforms space living with human-centric design.
UnitedHealth confirms over 100 million Change Healthcare users had their data stolen. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals what happened and what caused the breach.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how iOS 18 brings new text formatting and animated effects to the Messages app.
Whether you're a social media veteran or novice, Facebook friend request scams are common. Kurt the CyberGuy provides tips to keep your account safe.

Do You Know Whats in Your Trash?

A hearty welcome to all the spam fighting filters and... Read More

How Spammers Fool Rule-based and Signature-Based Spam Filters

Effectively stopping spam over the long-term requires much more than... Read More

Spasms & Spamocidal Mania

Below is a letter I wrote to the following organizations:S.H.U.... Read More

Spam eMails Are Not Just Annoying - They Are A Main Distributor Of Viruses

Why is someone from India, Africa, or elsewhere writing you... Read More

Get Your News Releases Through the Spam Filters in 11 Easy Steps

In today's spam-filled email world, it's sometimes VERY difficult to... Read More

Eight Quick Tips For Stopping SPAM

If you are buried in SPAM then you're not alone.... Read More

The Anti Spam Challenge ? Minimizing False Positives

Email is the quintessential business communication tool, so when it... Read More

Quickly Eliminate 100% of Your Junk Email

Why do so many people think I need to take... Read More

The Vanishing Mail

Am I Just Being Paranoid Or Are The Robots Out... Read More

Fight Spam and Fortify Your Web Site with RSS

RSS is the answer to the Spam epidemic of the... Read More

How To Stop Spam (Especially If You?re Already a Victim)

Spam. Those annoying, time-consuming emails that clog your Inbox and... Read More

5 Zero-Cost Spam Prevention Tools For All Situations!

Anyone who uses email knows what Spam is!It's annoying and... Read More

Protecting Your Business From Spam

Even being as careful as possible with my email address,... Read More

Dealing With SPAM - An E-mail Address Strategy

With SPAM being such a problem it might seem the... Read More

Beware of the Newest Activity Online: Phishing

No. I'm not talking here about the outdoor activity enjoyed... Read More

Take Back Control of Your Inbox: Eliminate Annoying and Potentially Harmful E-mails

Are you tired of spam stealing your time, your money,... Read More

Email Chain Letters - Harmless Fun or Not?

I'm sure I'm not the only person on the planet... Read More

Protecting Yourself With A Porn Filter

The harmful affects of pornography use and addiction are well... Read More

Customers Demand Internet Privacy

... and you'd better sit up and take notice! Customers... Read More

Internet Tip of the Week: Outsourcing

It's no secret that the US economy has slowed down,... Read More

What Exactly is Spam?

Spam, as defined in the context of computers, the Internet... Read More

How Spammers Fool Bayesian Filters - And How to Stop Them

Effectively stopping spam over the long-term requires much more than... Read More

Im Guilty Until Proven Innocent

No doubt about it."Spam" (unsolicited commercial email) threatens to paralyze... Read More

How to Avoid Spam Complaints in Your Emails

Spam filters are responsible for deleting a high percentage of... Read More

How To Analyze A Rip-Off Scheme

This review is taken DIRECTLY from a piece of "junk... Read More

O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..