Below is a letter I wrote to the following organizations:
S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous)
N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Association for the Advancement of People Who Hate Spam)
P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Hate People Who Don't Hate Spam)
P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a Lifestyle Choice)
S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S. (Society for the Advancement of People Who Really Really Really Hate Spam)
P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Hate Spam So Much It Makes Little Wisps of Steam Come Out of Their Ears)
And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet Resource Directory Services.
DEAR FELLOW SPAM HATERS,
I'm writing to suggest that we combine forces in order to present a common front in our righteous war on unsolicited commercial email:
Spam!
I suggest we disband the myriad sites and organizations now opposing unsolicited commercial email in order to form a single, unified organization:
The Spammish Inquisition!
And I further suggest we elect me, Linda Cox, as our leader. Our Grand Inquisatrix!
WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS?
You think YOU hate spam? You don't even know what hate is!
I hate spam so much that I... well, just a LOT! That's how much!
If I hated spam any more than I already do, I think my head would burst into flames and spin like a top! Can you say that?
Don't think so.
I don't mean to say that I don't hate other things too, like pedophiles and nazis and that drunk guy who backed over my cat when I was seven.
But spam... hooboy!
SQUISH 'EM LIKE BUGS!
I believe we should have a constitutional amendment allowing cruel and unusual punishment in the case of spammers. Maybe that tummy thing like the Japanese do when they get depressed.
As with drugs, mere possession of bulk emailing software should result in the immediate confiscation of the computer it was on, as well as any nice clothes, jewelry, or lawn statuary that might have been purchased with spam profits.
Just thinking about sending spam should be illegal, like joking about bombs in an airport. If I get to be Grand Inquisatrix, I'll have my own force of men-in-black dudes to sniff out spamsters and be really mean to them and call them names until they promise to be good little netizens again.
It's for their own good.
IN CLOSING...
Having looked at the websites of some of the anti-spam crusaders, I know that I am not alone in my revulsion, disgust and utter skin-crawling contempt for spam.
Like them, I have turned a blind-eye to more mundane problems like hunger, illiteracy, disease, country music and poverty so as to focus on the true menace ravaging our cyber-society.
If you wish to support my crusade, you may do so by sending me $99, and as a free gift I'll send you a CD with the email addresses of 40 million netizens eagerly awaiting news of your latest product or service.
Linda Cox, G.I.W. (Grand Inquisatrix Wannabe)
P.S. Oh yeah... stale croutons. Hate 'em.
About The Author
Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild-eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru. (The horses were just regular horses.) http://www.lindacox.com/
shuttle from O'Hare Brocton .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareIt's no secret that the US economy has slowed down,... Read More
Spammers get email addresses from web pages using programs called... Read More
It absolutely amazes me how many people over-react to receiving... Read More
While we all admit that unsolicited commercial email is a... Read More
The Vandals are coming! And this time they're after your... Read More
Unless the filters on your computer are really good, you're... Read More
RSS is the answer to the Spam epidemic of the... Read More
Your message is not being delivered.If you send emails to... Read More
It's a nightmare isn't it? You fire up your email... Read More
You must be one of them experiencing a lot of... Read More
Why is someone from India, Africa, or elsewhere writing you... Read More
English, German, Italian - It's All SPAM To MeHas anyone... Read More
While we all agree that there`s way too much spamming/junk-mailing... Read More
Even being as careful as possible with my email address,... Read More
Email is rapidly becoming the standard means of communication among... Read More
About a month ago I had the privilege of giving... Read More
It seems like the volume of email spam has doubled... Read More
Why do so many people think I need to take... Read More
Did you know that there are software programs that view... Read More
Over the past few years you've all become familiar with... Read More
The temptation among internet marketers to SPAM is greater than... Read More
Spam is out of control! I guess that would be... Read More
There are hundreds of thousands of people who are trying... Read More
A blacklist, as the name implies, is a list of... Read More
When you go to your mailbox and find pieces of... Read More
Chicago charter limousine service Hickory Hills ..E-mails now have a connection back to their servers. I... Read More
When you go to your mailbox and find pieces of... Read More
The harmful affects of pornography use and addiction are well... Read More
English, German, Italian - It's All SPAM To MeHas anyone... Read More
I'm sure I'm not the only person on the planet... Read More
Effectively stopping spam over the long-term requires much more than... Read More
A blacklist, as the name implies, is a list of... Read More
What comes to your mind when you think about your... Read More
A hearty welcome to all the spam fighting filters and... Read More
News last week that Internet service provider Verizon settled its... Read More
When you receive an email telling you about a virus,... Read More
What's the big deal? All you read on the internet... Read More
It's a nightmare isn't it? You fire up your email... Read More
While we all agree that there`s way too much spamming/junk-mailing... Read More
Like everybody who will ever read this, I get spam... Read More
Junk e-mail or spam has become the scourge of the... Read More
The temptation among internet marketers to SPAM is greater than... Read More
We receive so much information on the Internet, especially via... Read More
Each day we all face the same challenge. Spam. It... Read More
My friends in the web hosting business have recently informed... Read More
You just sat at your desk, opened your email account... Read More
How would you feel if you found a link on... Read More
Spam is out of control! I guess that would be... Read More
1. Ignore Spam EmailDo not open an unsolicited email. Spammers... Read More
Phishing is rapidly becoming on the largest threats to your... Read More
Spam Blocking |