Home
>
Stress Management
>
How to Say No and Let Go of Stress

How to Say No and Let Go of Stress

It was one of the first words you learned to say and you used it at every opportunity. Until someone convinced you that you couldn't, or shouldn't.

Others don't like to hear you say no. Parents/teachers/friends/employers/significant others and even strangers will do whatever they think it takes to get you to do what they want you to do instead of what you want to do.

Why should you? So they'll be happy instead of you? They get to live their life, shouldn't you get to choose how to live yours?

I know, they sound so convincing when they tell you they're counting on you, they need your help, it's your responsibility, if you loved them you'd?

And they'll keep sounding convincing as long as you let them! Okay, maybe they've convinced you that what they want you to do is for your own good. That's not the point. If you're at least 18, you're old enough to decide what you want to do and what you don't. Will you make mistakes? Of course. Everybody does. That's part of life.

So how can you say "no" without feeling guilty? If they want you to go into a career you don't want to go into, marry someone you don't like, have children or not, find a close friend, a school counselor or a therapist to help you realize it's your choice and not theirs.

If they complain that you don't visit often enough, do what you can and look for ways to let them know you're thinking about them in between visits.

Bosses are notorious for asking their employees to do things they don't want to do. They're probably paying you do to some of those things but the trend is to have fewer employees and work them harder and they'll keep pushing until you (kindly but firmly) let them know you've reached your limit. If it doesn't seem appropriate to say no when you're asked to take on one more project, tell the asker you'll see how you can fit that in. Then make a list of your current projects, tasks involved and deadlines, and ask which of these tasks you should set aside till you complete the new task. If your boss can't or won't honor your limits you probably need to say "no" by finding another job.

Spouses, friends and children all (rightly) feel they have certain claim to your time and attention and so the key is to get very clear about what you can and cannot do. On the one hand, you don't want to say "no" to every request. On the other hand, you can't say yes to all of them because it's important that when you do say yes, you deliver.

If you're not certain whether you can say yes, buy yourself some time. If you can't decide on the spot, say that. Say you need time to think about it and tell them when they can expect an answer.

Begin to notice how your body feels when someone asks you to do something. If it tightens up just hearing the request, it's trying to tell you something. Chances are very good that if you go ahead and say yes you'll regret it, your body will create a host of unhappy chemistry that is harmful to your immune system and that chemistry will be present while you're doing what you didn't want to do.

I know how important it is to say no because I learned the hard way. Even before Oprah named it, I had it ? the disease to please. The only person I was really good at saying no to was myself.

Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. When the surgeon said she hadn't gotten clean margins and she needed to do a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation, I noticed the way my body felt and after much research and introspection, I said no. I went to a naturopath instead.

You don't have to have breast cancer (other cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc.) to learn what I learned. Practice saying "no" when you mean it and live your own life.

Karin Ireland, author of the award-winning Learning to Trust Myself: Lessons From Cancer and Other Life Dilemmas and 10 Practices That Will Bring You Peace, Confidence and Success: The Workbook is a popular speaker, workshop leader, and personal coach. Visit her at http://www.irelandcommunications.com

car service from Midway Burlington .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says a malware app called SpyLend is posing as a financial tool, hitting 100,000-plus downloads.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Clone Robotics’ Protoclone mimics humans with 1,000 muscles – too human for comfort.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson urges you to use Apple’s App Privacy Report to see what your apps are really up to.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how to smoothly transfer your data from an old laptop to a new one using cloud storage or external drives.

Kurt the CyberGuy offers tips to safeguard your personal information as scammers become more sophisticated with scam texts and other methods.

WeRide's unmanned electric delivery van, the Robovan W5, has 194 cubic feet of cargo space and can carry payloads up to about 2,205 pounds

Kurt the CyberGuy recommends deleting 16 browser extensions immediately in response to a report saying more than 3.2 million web users were affected by a security breach.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A robotics firm in China claims a robot has performed the world's first humanoid robot front flip, which is significantly more difficult than a backflip.

A digital ID may be even more secure than a physical ID. Storing your driver's license in your Apple Wallet is an ideal solution for commuters.

A cybersecurity firm has shed some light on just how common tax scams have become. Kurt the CyberGuy offers his advice for how to protect your refund.

Lifesize Plans offers immersive walk-throughs that allow customers the opportunity to tour a home's design before construction actually begins.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A man invested $4 million in bitcoin and lost it all with a single click when he was targeted by a vishing scam, which uses phone calls to trick people.

Expandable's Touchdown is a designer trailer that promises a luxury off-grid living experience and unfolds into a home in about 15 minutes.

Major employee screening company data breach affects 3.3 million people. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains what happened and gives five ways to protect your data.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals mind-blowing tech that gives you sunlight on demand.

New malware "FrigidStealer" targets Mac computers. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers four ways to stay safe from infostealer malware.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how lab-grown muscles power a biohybrid hand for scalable prosthetics and research.

Reports of task scams have significantly risen in the past four years, according to the Federal Trade Commission. Kurt the CyberGuy offers some red flags.

iPhones have a hidden folder that eats up storage without you knowing it. Kurt the CyberGuy offers some tricks to free up storage on your device.

A recent ransomeware attack targeted Zacks, an American investment firm, and a cybercriminal claimed to have stolen records for millions of customers.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Researchers unveiled a new soft prosthetic hand that combines the natural coordination patterns of our fingers with the decoding of motoneuron activity in the spinal column.

Accidentally deleting a text message on your iPhone or iPad is not a problem if you still need the message. Apple has a built-in way to recover it.

How to Say No and Let Go of Stress

Stress Management