A grandfather, whose grandson came to him angry at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice, said,
"I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those who have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down and doesn't hurt your enemy. It's like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.
"I have struggled with these feelings many times," he continued. "It is as if there are two wolves inside me: One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and doesn't take offense when no offense was intended. He will fight only when it is right to do so and in the right way. But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The smallest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his grandfather's eyes and asked
"Which one wins?"
The grandfather solemnly replied
"The one I feed."
Anger is human
Anger is a naturally ocurring emotion that in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. It's what we do with our anger that makes the difference.
We can either feed it and make it worse, or we can work with it and handle it in a way that makes healthy sense. It's always a choice. .
How to feed anger
Play the blame game.
Finding, placing and dramatizing blame is one of the greatest sources of creating and feeding anger. Blame talks like this,
"It's someone else's fault. He should not have done it, and I must make him pay for it."
One of the many downsides of this is that the blame game takes so much time and energy, leaving you with little for the rest of your life.
Play the enflame game.
Once you are angry, you have two choices: Defuse your anger or enflame it. The danger with enflaming your anger is that it quickly becomes a habit and you forget it's a choice.
Enflaming requires nurturing anger by running the injustice over and over in your mind. Another way to do this is to tell as many people as you can about how you feel until you get a number of folks on your side. They become assistant enflamers.
Blaming and enflaming fit dangerously well. The more you blame, the more enflamed you become. The more enflamed you become, the more you find to blame.
How to feed healthy feelings
Play the diffuse game.
Pausing to ask yourself a few questions helps reduce anger. For example: How much do I enjoy this feeling? How strongly do I want to feel this anger? How long do I want to feel it?
Anger can prevent us from thinking. Pausing long enough to answer these questions allows you to re-engage your brain and decide how you want to handle your anger.
Accept that not everything in life can or needs to be set right.
Many times when we try to set things right, we just muck it up that much more. Sometimes we just have to release it and move on. Treat it like the dust it is, shake it off your shoes and walk on into the rest of your life.
For more tips and tools for managing anger visit tools for successful living
home cleaning services Deerfield ..I recently received this e-mail message about stress management (author... Read More
When we think about stress in the workplace, we usually... Read More
If you've recently experienced loss or are going through a... Read More
Genuine enthusiasm...real feeling of accomplishment...sense of satisfaction and fun. Welcome... Read More
Governements and businesses have regularly highlighted the costs of stress... Read More
I was a psychotherapist for... Read More
"I'm stressed out."If you find yourself thinking--or saying--this on a... Read More
Stress is defined as a response by your body to... Read More
Of all the forms of stress in today's world, computer... Read More
The day wasn't going well already. You know how it... Read More
One of the best ways to combat stress and depression... Read More
Everyone needs successful stress management techniques. Easy to learn and... Read More
Elizabeth, 32, cried during anger management class as she told... Read More
When I pay attention, I clearly see the arresting ways... Read More
You probably think I'm wacko, but it's true - stress... Read More
As Montaigne said, "he who fears he will suffer, already... Read More
Meditation seems to have arrived in the mainstream of late,... Read More
The United Nations declares workplace stress to be a worldwide... Read More
Many CEOs see stress as an intractable problem which would... Read More
Learning methods of stress elimination is a vital skill in... Read More
For those of you who have been living in a... Read More
A little stress is good for us until it becomes... Read More
Are You Too Stressed?Is your stomach all tied up in... Read More
Do you feel stress at work? Do you carry your... Read More
When something happens in our lives, we automatically assess the... Read More
recurring housekeeping Highland Park ..First, let's make a distinction between pressure and stress. We... Read More
We all know what it feels like to have our... Read More
Workplace stress is on the rise and it's costing corporate... Read More
1. Acknowledge that requesting support, guidance and partnership is not... Read More
Recently the well known American news anchor Peter Jennings died... Read More
Do you get out of your car with a queasy... Read More
Q: "My career, though very very stressful, is one that... Read More
Many of my readers write to me about the tensions... Read More
Q. I've suffered a few setbacks and disappointments in the... Read More
After a stressful day as a computer programmer, Jim pulled... Read More
1. 5-minute rule. How many times do we say, "This... Read More
The number one most popular issue that users of a... Read More
In my experience, most of us spend a lot more... Read More
When we think about stress in the workplace, we usually... Read More
Statistics show that all of us experience stress at one... Read More
Syndicated columnist Dale Dauten recently wrote, "One of life's great... Read More
Stress is amazingly persistent, even seductive. We get used to... Read More
Health Impacts of StressStress is a funny concept, try to... Read More
Q: What is Stress?A: Very basically it is the physical,... Read More
Meditation, relaxation and visualisation are the standard recommendations for reducing... Read More
Positive self-esteem is very important for our general health and... Read More
Several studies, including one of medical students around exam time,... Read More
Everyone worries. As bothersome as it is, worry isn't all... Read More
No this is not related to praying, this is how... Read More
A stressless lifestyle? That's very easy to say. Yet it... Read More
Stress Management |