Home
>
Stress Management
>
Stress Managment and Mastery: Break the Rules!

Stress Managment and Mastery: Break the Rules!

Of all the sources of stress in our lives, faulty emotional rules are one of the most debilitating. These faulty emotional rules are typically ingrained during childhood and become a part of how we live. Because they are largely unquestioned, we rarely stop and consider how they might be influencing our lives. If unchecked, these rules can even run our lives.

"How can I know what these rules are if I'm not aware of them?"

Good question. Perhaps a few examples can illustrate what I mean.

Let's consider a person who appears to have his life together. He is financially secure and fulfilling most of his dreams. Yet he always feels there is something missing.

If this scenario seems familiar, you're not alone. It's a fairly big club.

Now, check out what we discover about this person's faulty emotional rules for life. The rules are:

I have to be perfect.

If I'm not perfect, then I make a fool of myself.

Then I will never forgive myself.

That's not exactly a prescription for enjoying life, is it?

Let's look at another example. This person is in and out of bad relationships and has a history of being taken advantage of by others. Here are the rules this person lives by:

I have to please everyone around me.

If I don't, then I am bad.

Then people will abandon me.

Are you beginning to see a pattern here? Faulty emotional rules typically involve three steps or parts that look something like this:

1) I have to (fill in the blank). This usually involves some kind of command, with no choice allowed.

2) If I don't, then I'm (fill in the blank). This is usually something bad and difficult to change.

3) Then (fill in the blank) will happen. This is some terrible event that will dramatically affect your life, maybe even threaten it.

Now that the pattern of these rules has been established, you can look at the faulty emotional rules that interfere with your life. Just ask yourself these three questions:

In order to be a good person, what is it that I believe I must do?

If I don't, then what does that make me?

Then what will happen to me?

The answers to these questions can help clarify the faulty emotional rules you might have accepted in your life.

So what should you do with this information? This is one of the rare times when you are being encouraged to break the rules. And you'll be breaking them for a good reason.

One way to begin to break and then change faulty emotional rules is to ask lots of challenging questions. For instance:

Where did these rules come from?

Who taught them to you?

In what "emotional classroom" did you learn these rules?

Are they useful?

Do you want to keep them, change them or get rid of them?

Are they outdated and no longer applicable?

Are they like training wheels on a bike - necessary for survival at one time but no longer needed?

These questions can begin to loosen the hold that these rules have over your life.

The next step is to begin to construct and create your own emotional rules that fit your present life.

One way to do this is to ask friends and family about what rules work for them. They might look at you strangely at first, but if you keep digging, you might find out some interesting things.

Another way is to think of someone you admire and either guess about their rules and/or ask them.

Still another way is to ask yourself: "What do I need to believe in order to feel the way I want to feel, take the actions I want to take," etc.

All of us either have or have had faulty emotional rules in our lives. The trick is to identify, challenge, break and then, most importantly, change them.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Twin Lakes rental limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

The White House launched a new cybersecurity safety label, the U.S. Cyber Trust Mark, intended to help consumers make informed decisions on smart device safety.

Today's tech can help make life so much easier — if you know how to use it. Here are a few tips on the quickest and best ways to make your phone, laptop and other devices work for you.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers Windows 11 restart fixes: Update drivers, run system scans and check hardware.

Sony and Honda's Afeela 1 EV launches with advanced tech and entertainment for $89,900. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives his takeaways.

With limited hard drive space, tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers these tips for storing large video files and photos.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the $236,000 Yangwang U9 electric hypercar boasts 1,287 horsepower and can jump obstacles.

Flip phones are harder to block spam calls from, but it's not impossible. Kurt the "CyberGuy" explains how to stop incoming robocalls on your flip phone.

With so many notifications buzzing our phones these days, it's tough to distinguish between legitimate messages and possible scams. Kurt the CyberGuy helps unravel the mystery.

Scammers have a new trick where they pretend to be job recruiters to plant malicious apps on your devices. It all starts with a deceptive email.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Kurt the CyberGuy breaks down why those emails that warn that "Your Apple ID has been disabled" is most likely a scam. Here's how to protect yourself.

Even small mistakes can negatively impact your credit score; here are some of the most common credit report errors and how you can fix them.

Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explores the many different ways you can repurpose that old iPhone of yours rather than trashing it.

A pioneering artificial intelligence and robotics company from China has developed a repository of over 1 million robotic movements to provide robotic training.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals the warning signs and steps to take if you suspect that your personal computer is infected with a virus.

Researchers found in a study that users of a robotic prosthetic hand could successfully grasp and move two objects at once without dropping them.

The James Webb Space Telescope captured photos of one of the earliest supernovas ever seen using infrared technology, and creating a time lapse of the phenomena.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

New Mac malware variant targets browser credentials and personal data, researchers find. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives tips to safeguard your Mac from the latest malware threats.

The Jetson One eVTOL showcases air racing potential, ushering in a new aviation era. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the race for eVTOL supremacy is just beginning.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals that hackers stole data from Gravy Analytics, a major seller of smartphone location data to the U.S.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson: If you just bought a new iPhone, here’s what to do first when you fire it up.

AC Future and Pininfarina unveil AI Transformer homes, merging sustainability and innovation. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says this could change the way we think about home.

Technology expert Kim Komando shares her easy tips on how to declutter your phones, computers and devices from the files you no longer need.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has the details on a Volkswagen data leak that exposed the personal data of around 800,000 EV owners.

Stress Managment and Mastery: Break the Rules!

Stress Management