The Jerk is Never Me

Comedian George Carlin once remarked, "Have your ever noticed? Anyone going slower than you is an idiot. Anyone going faster than you is a maniac."

When we observe someone else's behavior -- especially negative behavior -- we attribute it to their personality. But when we make a mistake ourselves, we are inclined to blame the situation.

Thus, when I'm driving fast, it's not because I'm a "maniac" but because I'm in a hurry. My fast driving is no reflection on my character, but rather the result of a rushed situation.

Similarly, if you accidentally break something, you tend to explain it as caused by the situation, e.g., that the object was slippery or that the handle came loose. On the other hand, if your child breaks something you are more apt to conclude that he's careless.

Here's another example. Suppose your spouse or roommate asked you to pick up some milk on the way home, and you forgot. You'd probably explain your forgetting in situational terms, e.g., that it was a busy day or that more important things were demanding your attention.

Now assume the tables were turned, and it was the other person who forgot to buy milk. Quite likely you would view this lapse as a reflection of their personality; e.g., that the other person is inconsiderate, insensitive or perhaps just plain stupid.

This discrepancy in how we explain our own actions, as opposed to those of others is called the "fundamental attribution error." It's always the other guy who's the jerk.

Psychologists have been studying this phenomenon for several decades, and offer the following explanation: When we watch other people, we notice their behavior more than their situation. Conversely, when observing ourselves we are more attuned to the situation than to our own behavior.

Another reason for the bias in attribution is that it preserves our self-esteem. After all, if I accidentally break something, it is more desirable for me to look to the situation for an explanation, rather than to attribute it to a personal defect.

But this bias in attribution can have unpleasant consequences. When you look to circumstances to explain what went wrong, you are more apt to assign blame. This in turn fires up your "inner brat" ? that immature part of your psyche that whines and complains and tries to convince you that your misery is everyone else's fault. People with strong inner brats are never happy.

How do you know if you are making too many attribution errors? Ask yourself if any of the following apply to you:

-- You are in the habit of judging others

-- People describe you as critical

-- You make excuses for your own mistakes

-- You feel like a victim much of the time

-- When something goes wrong you blame other people

-- You walk around feeling angry or resentful

-- You have contempt for others, for no particular reason

If you recognize yourself in two or more points in the above list, your inner brat needs to be tamed. The first step is being aware of how your inner brat distorts reality, exaggerating other people's faults, while minimizing your own.

Once you make a concerted effort to view your own and other people's behavior in a more balanced way, you will be surprised to find that most of the "jerks" in your life have disappeared!

--- Copyright ?2005 Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004) She is also a life coach. Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.

on demand house cleaning Winnetka ..

In The News:

The A.I. industry seems set for growing pains as Big Tech companies scramble for solutions to the medium's unprecedented strain on the power grid.

Fourth of July fireworks cause a 60% spike in lost pets, but GPS trackers and AI photo-matching services like Love Lost can help reunite missing dogs with their families.

Protect yourself from jugging, the rising crime by which thieves monitor ATM users and follow them to steal cash, with six practical safety tips to stay alert and secure.

U.S. airlines like Delta, American and United are selling your domestic flight records to government agencies through the little-known Travel Intelligence Program.

Autonomous robots from Uber Eats are rolling out across U.S. cities, featuring LIDAR sensors, secure compartments and all-weather operation for food and grocery delivery.

Costco has expanded into EV infrastructure with new ultra-fast charging stations that can charge most electric vehicles to 80% in 20-60 minutes while shoppers browse the warehouse.

The new Gemini Robotics On-Device AI allows robots to perform complex tasks without internet, offering enhanced privacy, reliability and adaptability for real-world use.

Protect yourself from Amazon phishing scams by spotting red flags like suspicious sender addresses and spelling errors while using Amazon's Message Center to verify communications.

GAC Group's new Govy AirCab flying car combines lightweight design with advanced safety systems and smart cabin technology to revolutionize city travel with an 18.6-mile range.

The Berkeley Humanoid Light (BHL) is a lightweight, open source humanoid robot that anyone can build using 3D-printed parts and off-the-shelf components.

Meta’s new AI chatbot is getting personal, and it might be sharing more than you realize.

A new threat targets both Android and iPhone users: SparkKitty, a powerful mobile malware strain that scans private photos to steal cryptocurrency recovery phrases and other sensitive data.

Thanks to a team at the University of California, Davis, there's a new brain-computer interface (BCI) system that's opening up real-time, natural conversation for people who can't speak.

Privacy risks are hiding in plain sight, as your personal data is likely being collected, tracked, and sold without your knowledge.

VenHub, a fully autonomous, AI-powered smart store just opened at the LAX/Metro Transit Center in Los Angeles.

A woman's Facebook account takeover reveals dangerous social engineering tactics and provides lessons on recovery, avoiding scams and enacting stronger security measures.

Shanghai engineers are using 432 walking robots to relocate a complex, preserving Shikumen architecture while creating space for a modern underground hub and cultural center.

Major healthcare data analytics firm Episource had a cybersecurity incident exposing 5 million patients' medical records and personal information in recent breach.

A new sophisticated PayPal scam sends legitimate-looking emails from official PayPal addresses, using phone numbers instead of links to convince victims to download remote access tools.

Fox News' AI Newsletter brings you the latest on this rapidly evolving technology.

The innovative Kara Pod device extracts moisture from air to create mineral-rich water and brew coffee, featuring UV sterilization and compatibility with Nespresso pods.

Gov. Hochul unveiled New York's nuclear power plant project to power a million homes, which faces permit challenges while promising jobs and a cleaner energy future.

SAFE introduces Aerie, an underground luxury bunker combining high-end living with advanced security, wellness amenities and interactive walls simulating panoramic views.

A Facebook scammer posing as Elon Musk tricked a victim with promises of a Tesla and $250,000, requesting gift cards that become untraceable once the codes are shared.

Experience hands-free golfing with the Robera Neo smart caddie that uses AI to follow you, navigate obstacles and carry your clubs with GPS course mapping.

The Jerk is Never Me

Stress Management