All stress comes from believing a thought that argues with reality. And when you oppose "what is" - it hurts.
In Byron Katie's first book, Loving What Is, she illustrates this with a simple and clear example with a cat:
If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, "Meow." Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless. You can spend the rest of your life trying to teach a cat to bark...
And yet, if you pay attention, you'll notice that you think thoughts like this dozens of times a day. "People should be kinder." "Children should be well-behaved." "My neighbors should take better care of their lawn."...
These thoughts are ways of wanting reality to be different than it is. If you think that this sounds depressing, you're right. All the stress that we feel is caused by arguing with what is.
So what can you do when you find yourself arguing with reality? You know, when you're sitting in traffic thinking, "I shouldn't be stuck in traffic right now!" Or when the sale you were hoping for at work falls through and you're frustrated because, "They really should have followed through."
Well, you can do one of two things:
1. Believe what you think.
2. Question it.
Believing what you think can be pretty painful. I mean just think about how stressful it is to sit in traffic wanting the cars to move faster! It's about as hopeless as trying to get a cat to bark.
Questioning the thoughts, on the other hand, can open you up to finding peace where you once found stress.
You can start questioning them, or doing The Work, by writing down your stressful thought (the one where you want things to be different than they are) and then answering these four questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Then you look for turnarounds by taking the original stressful belief and looking for opposites to see if they are as true or truer. In other words, to see if they are closer to reality.
Here's an example:
My friend should be a better listener.
1. Is that true?
Yes.
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? (What's the reality?)
The reality is that she's not better than she is. So, no, I can't know that she should be a better listener.
3. How do you react when you believe that your friend should be a better listener?
I get frustrated and I complain to my other friends. I don't want to hang around with her anymore. I don't want to listen to her either because I want to punish her. I don't respect her and am jealous of her attention when she puts it somewhere other than on me when I'm trying to talk to her.
4. Who would you be without the thought that your friend should be a better listener?
I wouldn't try to convince her that she should listen to me more. I'd feel gentler in my body. I'd appreciate the amount that she *does* listen to me. When she talked to me, I'd be able to listen because there wouldn't be that resentment that I was holding on to. I'd realize that I'm doing just fine in my life even though she's not listening to me more.
Turn the thought around: She should be a better listener.
TA> She should *not* be a better listener. This is true because she's not. She can't be a better listener than she is in that moment.
TA> *I* should be a better listener. Definitely! If I think she can do it, can I even do it?! I should give her what I want from her because obviously it's important to me that friends listen to each other well. So this is for me to live.
The Work of Byron Katie is a path to self-discovery and freedom from stress. Ask these four questions for yourself and find out who you'd be without your story!
"When I argue with reality I lose. But only 100% of the time." - Byron Katie
Mona Grayson is a two-time graduate from The School for The Work of Byron Katie and has been helping people get free from the constraints of their stress so they can lead fuller, more peaceful lives. For a free newsletter about applying The Work of Byron Katie to your stress, and a free special report: "21 Ways to Stay in the Peace," visit http://www.letsdothework.com or http://www.letsdothework.com
limo prices to midway Crystal Lake west of Randal .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareWith how busy we keep ourselves on a day to... Read More
According to the StressPulse survey by ComPsych Corporation completed at... Read More
It has long been suggested that "music soothes the savage... Read More
Recently I completed some new workshop engagements in addition to... Read More
Tough leaders are usually seen as ogres. Their exacting demands... Read More
What is Stress?Stress may be defined as the three-way relationship... Read More
If you suffer from insomnia of any kind, the chances... Read More
If you are an anxiety and panic sufferer, then you've... Read More
We've all been there, right? We find ourselves living with... Read More
Did you know that taking a short trip, such as... Read More
Everyone experiences stress at some point in their life. In... Read More
A friend has this quotation on his office wall: "I... Read More
We all know what it feels like to have our... Read More
Is your stress level higher than it should be? Are... Read More
David Bowie once sang, "Ch-ch-changes, tryin' to face the strain."And... Read More
Do you feel tense and anxious at work? Do your... Read More
You can learn a lot by watching children playing. There... Read More
Learn to have healthy relationships:This subject could fill an entire... Read More
Stress and anxiety can prematurely age our mind and body.... Read More
After a stressful day as a computer programmer, Jim pulled... Read More
Who hasn't experienced "worry" at one time or another? Almost... Read More
Stress, America's #1 health problem, is a leading cause of... Read More
Top Ten Ways to Reduce Your Stress at Home1. Create... Read More
Most people know of the importance of exercise as a... Read More
Ask a hundred different people how to deal with stress... Read More
taxi o'hare Auburn ..A grandfather, whose grandson came to him angry at a... Read More
Most of us lead busy lives, trying to successfully juggle... Read More
Q. Help! I moved from the Dallas to Denver. I... Read More
An excellent stress reducer can be something as simple as... Read More
All stress comes from believing a thought that argues with... Read More
Have you ever said the words, "This job/my life is... Read More
Over the years I've collected scores of comics and cartoons... Read More
There are two types of anxiety:*Situational *Existential.Most of us experience... Read More
The National Center for health statistics reported that in 1997,... Read More
Everyday can be full of stress but we all deserve... Read More
WHAT THE RESEARCH SAYSExperts in the stress management field have... Read More
The brain uses feel-good transmitters called endorphins when managing daily... Read More
Q: What is Stress?A: Very basically it is the physical,... Read More
Everyone worries. As bothersome as it is, worry isn't all... Read More
I hope by reading this article you will see the... Read More
Adversity is an unavoidable part of life. Death of a... Read More
Make stress less of an issue for you in your... Read More
Matthew 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour... Read More
So, you've recognised that you are suffering from stress and... Read More
When was the last time you took a day just... Read More
Stress is defined as a response by your body to... Read More
In a hectic world, it's all too easy to reach... Read More
We've all been there, right? We find ourselves living with... Read More
If you find symptoms of anxiety disorder in any of... Read More
Take a moment to think about the week that just... Read More
Stress Management |