Home
>
Success
>
Dealing with Difficult People--Go Ahead, Rain on My Parade

Dealing with Difficult People--Go Ahead, Rain on My Parade

"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."--Jerry Chin

Rain is vital to all life on earth, and is the main way that water from the sky fills our lakes and rivers, and provides nourishment and growth. Most of the time we do not look forward to the rain, but without it, we will most likely not be able to enjoy luscious fruits and vegetables, or experience the warm and moist feeling of green grass as it cushions our bare feet.

Interpersonal conflict is like a rain shower-a small local burst of rain that lasts a short time. Rain showers are usually of light to moderate intensity and likely to start and stop suddenly. You can predict when they occur by the rapid change in the sky's appearance as they approach. The same is true of most interpersonal conflict--those small micro-bursts of anger or disagreement that seem to flare up quickly and cease just as suddenly.

The aphorism rain on my parade reminds us of the unpleasantness of conflict. Yet, some unpleasant occurrences bring about better things. Conflict develops even among the finest of people. Whenever there is disagreement, a difference of opinion, a different approach, a departure from the way we do things around here, there is conflict. These little showers of light to moderate temper or anger are made to last just a short time. Yet, when we approach them the wrong way (and there is a wrong way), they can become full-blown conflict thunderstorms.

Unlike ordinary rain showers, thunderstorms are rain combined with wind and lightning. They form worldwide, spit out deadly lightning, band together to form hurricanes, and can spin up the world's fastest winds inside tornadoes. Been caught in any conflict thunderstorms lately?

THE REAL SECRET

While we cannot control or change others, we can take responsibility for our own actions, attitudes, and behavior. So how do we respond when people want to rain on our parades? Use The U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A:

U = Understand. Make an attempt to understand as well as to be understood. Don't let the other person's difficult behavior preoccupy you; then you can deal with it directly.

M = Manage. Manage conflict while it is occurring. Look for the real issue which is usually found at the root of the problem. Don't allow yourself to be distracted by minor spats or side issues that distract and get in the way.

B = Breathe. Use a variety of stress-reducing strategies when you are in the midst of conflict. Try breathing slowly and deeply to regulate stress producing adrenalin. Take a break when conversations get heated, and above all, control your impulses.

R = Respond. Remain calm and act in a non-defensive and non-reactive way. The ability to be calm in the face of conflict will help you to think more clearly and carefully.

E = Embrace. Go directly to those with whom you disagree or have a conflict. Avoid behind-the-back criticism. If this fails, then ask an objective third-party to act as facilitator in resolving the conflict.

L = Listen. Be quick to listen and when listening do so carefully. Summarize and check out what is heard before responding. Be slow to judge, avoid name-calling, and threatening.

L = Learn. Examine key learnings from the conflict. Conflict, though painful, is necessary for growth and maturity. Ask yourself, "What can I learn here? Do I need to change my behavior or offer an apology?" Enter into each conflict situation with a learning mindset.

A = Accept. Conflict is a normal part of life, so accept that it will happen and most likely happen often. The people we find the most difficult are also those who offer the greatest opportunities for growth.

WHAT ABOUT COMMUNICATION?

Wherever conflict exists, no matter what its cause or reason, communication has played a key role. Poor communication has either initiated the conflict or kept it going. Good communication will lead to a mutually agreeable solution. It promotes a give-and-take open dialogue that focuses on the problem not the emotion.

We all have difficult people in our lives-you know, those folks of radically differing viewpoints who anger, exasperate, frustrate, and nearly drive us out of our minds! Difficult people tend to rain on our parades. Just when things are going well and we're marching in the success procession, a short but violent conflict shower or thunderstorm will often break out. An instinctive response is usually not the best one because we are caught unawares. So we reply back with a storm of our own, and before you know it, a deluge accompanied by hurricane force winds floods our relationships and ruins our parades.

IN THE END, YOU MATTER?

You are responsible for deciding how you will respond to conflict and difficult people. The U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A along with good communication will ensure that you don't get wet!

So, let it rain...It's Just a Parade!

Althea DeBrule is co-owner of RADSGroup Organizational Consultants, a Stamford, CT based firm that helps organizations to increase their effectiveness and individuals to maximize their professional and leadership potential. She has over 30 years demonstrated and celebrated leadership experience both domestically and internationally in human resources and executive development. Entrepreneur and seasoned executive, she has focused throughout her career on helping workers achieve their career goals. For information on how The RADSGroup can help you with your career needs, visit http://www.radsgroup.com/

limo prices to midway Crystal Lake west of Randal .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Creating an email alias can help clean up your inbox by organizing emails based on purpose, like creating different aliases for shopping, newsletters and work.

A multipurpose robotic system promises to transform how items are stacked onto pallets, aiming to maximize space utilization and reduce shipping costs.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

The number of people affected by a UnitedHealth data breach in February 2024 was actually higher than previously reported and was the largest medical data breach in U.S. history.

A phishing campaign uses Google Calendar to schedule fake meeting invitations that appear legitimate, redirecting targets to phishing sites.

Toll road text scam: Fake messages claim unpaid fees, seek payment via fraudulent links. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says this scam is becoming increasingly sophisticated and widespread.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says these steps ensure that your friends and family get to the exact moment you want them to see. Try it out and streamline your sharing experience.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers tips on how to protect your identity: Be vigilant, monitor accounts, use smart security, know theft response.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says cybercriminals are exploiting iMessage phishing protection, tricking users to reactivate links.

It's hard to imagine life without in-flight Wi-Fi these days – but sky-high web surfing comes with its own set of privacy concerns. Here's how to protect yourself.

Over 400,000 cases of credit card fraud were reported in 2024 to the Federal Trade Commission. The CyberGuy explains how to protect against becoming another victim.

A nondescript metal box transforms into a fully functional electric motorcycle that blurs the line between vehicle and urban infrastructure.

Many apps unrelated to location still ask users for tracking permission, and Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has filed a lawsuit seeking to end this alleged practice by Allstate.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Melody, the artificial intelligence-powered robot, is life-sized and represents a move toward creating robots that resemble people in appearance and interaction.

Here are five easy smartphone rules from the National Security Agency that you can follow to better protect your mobile device from hackers and scammers.

A U.S. robotics company has developed "Jennie," a robotic pet powered by artificial intelligence that's designed to comfort those facing mental health challenges.

Healthcare records for more than 184 million Americans were breached in 2024, but you can take steps to minimize that risk. Kurt the CyberGuy explains.

The Skyrider X1 from Rictor claims to be the "first amphibious flying passenger motorcycle," and it combines land and air travel in one sleek design.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Home inventory and restoration apps help itemize and track every item in your home in the event you have to make an insurance claim after a natural disaster.

The White House launched a new cybersecurity safety label, the U.S. Cyber Trust Mark, intended to help consumers make informed decisions on smart device safety.

Today's tech can help make life so much easier — if you know how to use it. Here are a few tips on the quickest and best ways to make your phone, laptop and other devices work for you.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers Windows 11 restart fixes: Update drivers, run system scans and check hardware.

Sony and Honda's Afeela 1 EV launches with advanced tech and entertainment for $89,900. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives his takeaways.

Dealing with Difficult People--Go Ahead, Rain on My Parade

Success