Picture this scene: Little Johnny's mother places a large piece of chocolate cake on his plate. He's pretty happy with it -- until he glances over at his brother's portion and notices that it's even bigger than his own. Suddenly Johnny is no longer satisfied with what he got. He starts to pout and complain, and may even resort to throwing his cake on the floor.
Sound familiar? If you didn't have this experience growing up, you have surely observed it in others. And it's not only kids who engage in this sort of comparison. Adults do it too.
Suppose you get a 10% raise at work. "That's pretty good," you might say to yourself. But a few days later you find out that someone else got 12%. Now you're not so pleased. Your inner brat starts grumbling about your raise not being fair, or not being nearly enough.
The actual dollar amount of your raise hasn't changed, but your attitude toward it has. Why?
It's a result of what psychologists call "social comparison." Humans are social animals, so it's natural to view ourselves in relation to other people. It's not necessarily bad, either:
- Much of our helping behavior and charitable giving come from comparing our own circumstances with those who are less fortunate.
- Social comparison is useful in situations where we're not quite sure how to act. Let's say you're attending services at a house of worship whose rituals and procedures are unfamiliar to you. You'll probably look around and see what everyone else is doing so that you can follow along.
- Social comparison contributes to order in society. When people dress, behave and speak in similar ways they feel a sense of belonging and loyalty within the group.
BUT THERE IS A DOWNSIDE TO SOCIAL COMPARISON. Routinely comparing yourself to others -- especially when it comes to money, talent, recognition and material possessions -- will invariably lead to dissatisfaction, even if you come out on top.
Research has shown that people who make a habit of such comparisons are generally less happy than are those who base their success on their own internal standards.
Here's why:
When you compare yourself to people who have more than you, your inner brat gets into gear. Just like little Johnny and the chocolate cake described above, your inner brat dwells on what's missing, which makes you feel victimized. You'll never be satisfied, no matter how much you have, as long as someone else has more.
This is the same mentality that fuels the huge salary demands by top athletes, actors and CEOs: "I'm making $20 million, but that's not enough because the other guy's getting $30 million."
If comparing yourself to people who have more than you makes you feel worse, should you instead concentrate on comparing yourself to those who have less or accomplished less? Actually, no. While it might be comforting for the moment, it could backfire in the long run.
You could end up feeling even less secure, worrying that you'll lose what you have. Or you might feel guilty for having more than others, such that you subconsciously sabotage your future success.
It's best not to compare yourself to anyone. Other people's achievements don't diminish your own, and their misfortunes do not improve your lot.
This doesn't mean that you shouldn't compete, nor that you shouldn't strive to improve. However, do it for the right reasons -- not because your inner brat is whining, but rather to develop and grow. That way, you'll enjoy your accomplishments so much more.
---
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004) She is also a life coach.
Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.
cleaning team near Winnetka ..Be weary and leery when it comes to standardized tests... Read More
Jim Rohn, the success guru and mentor, said, "Failure is... Read More
Imagine that right now, right here, today? there is within... Read More
However there is one success secret that costs nothing. And... Read More
The HungryIn May of 2005 there were over 2 million... Read More
I love the idea of synchronicity.Perhaps it's just part of... Read More
Success is a journey and along the way we need... Read More
Think back to a time in your life when you... Read More
Critics can destroy or inspire you. Your own self critic... Read More
The Chicago Times once printed that Henry Ford was an... Read More
It's simple and powerful.The philosophy of successful people is often... Read More
Change is one of the biggest concepts facing today's society.... Read More
"Write checks on a regular basis to those who you... Read More
In this brief article we will explore four methods that... Read More
There is a difference but what constitutes a life... Read More
Persistence is the foundation of success. Although there are many... Read More
Let's get right to the point, folks.We're all looking to... Read More
Something For You To Consider?How To Create What You Want... Read More
To achieve what you want, what you desire, needs a... Read More
In this week's New Age Notebook, I am going to... Read More
I don't need to be a gypsy fortune teller to... Read More
Dr. Deepak Chopra is a well-known author of more than... Read More
Do you ever wonder how some people consistently get what... Read More
The start of a new year is a good time... Read More
Many UK citizens want to settle or retire in Spain... Read More
family-safe home cleaners Northbrook ..By popular request, I thought I would put together this... Read More
Commit yourself to spending time only with people who are... Read More
What characteristics are common among successful people. If you analyze... Read More
Do you have what it takes to be really successful?Have... Read More
However there is one success secret that costs nothing. And... Read More
1. Be Courageous. Flex your risk muscle and step out... Read More
The 2004 final of the World's Strongest Man METRx Championship... Read More
Have you been struggling for years to accomplish some goals... Read More
We all know as we are progressing towards our personal... Read More
How many times do we fail at something, then attemp... Read More
The ultimate expression of life is not a paycheck. The... Read More
Taking action is the strongest way to create success in... Read More
To achieve what you want, what you desire, needs a... Read More
Whether you are self-employed, whether you are an employee, whether... Read More
We were at some friend's house the other day and... Read More
I want to relate to you a story, READ it... Read More
You can be a master achiever by developing the same... Read More
The need to be successful. This is the bottom line... Read More
Well, it's that time of the year again. No, I... Read More
Our expectations get us into a lot of trouble and... Read More
The Great Library of Alexandria once held the wisdom of... Read More
What the anteater and otter show us about success?It's been... Read More
Both the worst and the best of the great achievers... Read More
Hello everybody and a good day (or night !) to... Read More
Whoever first said that knowledge is power was probably selling... Read More
Success |