If You Compare, Beware!

Picture this scene: Little Johnny's mother places a large piece of chocolate cake on his plate. He's pretty happy with it -- until he glances over at his brother's portion and notices that it's even bigger than his own. Suddenly Johnny is no longer satisfied with what he got. He starts to pout and complain, and may even resort to throwing his cake on the floor.

Sound familiar? If you didn't have this experience growing up, you have surely observed it in others. And it's not only kids who engage in this sort of comparison. Adults do it too.

Suppose you get a 10% raise at work. "That's pretty good," you might say to yourself. But a few days later you find out that someone else got 12%. Now you're not so pleased. Your inner brat starts grumbling about your raise not being fair, or not being nearly enough.

The actual dollar amount of your raise hasn't changed, but your attitude toward it has. Why?

It's a result of what psychologists call "social comparison." Humans are social animals, so it's natural to view ourselves in relation to other people. It's not necessarily bad, either:

- Much of our helping behavior and charitable giving come from comparing our own circumstances with those who are less fortunate.

- Social comparison is useful in situations where we're not quite sure how to act. Let's say you're attending services at a house of worship whose rituals and procedures are unfamiliar to you. You'll probably look around and see what everyone else is doing so that you can follow along.

- Social comparison contributes to order in society. When people dress, behave and speak in similar ways they feel a sense of belonging and loyalty within the group.

BUT THERE IS A DOWNSIDE TO SOCIAL COMPARISON. Routinely comparing yourself to others -- especially when it comes to money, talent, recognition and material possessions -- will invariably lead to dissatisfaction, even if you come out on top.

Research has shown that people who make a habit of such comparisons are generally less happy than are those who base their success on their own internal standards.

Here's why:

When you compare yourself to people who have more than you, your inner brat gets into gear. Just like little Johnny and the chocolate cake described above, your inner brat dwells on what's missing, which makes you feel victimized. You'll never be satisfied, no matter how much you have, as long as someone else has more.

This is the same mentality that fuels the huge salary demands by top athletes, actors and CEOs: "I'm making $20 million, but that's not enough because the other guy's getting $30 million."

If comparing yourself to people who have more than you makes you feel worse, should you instead concentrate on comparing yourself to those who have less or accomplished less? Actually, no. While it might be comforting for the moment, it could backfire in the long run.

You could end up feeling even less secure, worrying that you'll lose what you have. Or you might feel guilty for having more than others, such that you subconsciously sabotage your future success.

It's best not to compare yourself to anyone. Other people's achievements don't diminish your own, and their misfortunes do not improve your lot.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't compete, nor that you shouldn't strive to improve. However, do it for the right reasons -- not because your inner brat is whining, but rather to develop and grow. That way, you'll enjoy your accomplishments so much more.

---

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004) She is also a life coach.

Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.

cleaning team near Winnetka ..
In The News:

Researchers discover phishing scam using invisible characters to evade email security, with protection tips including password managers and two-factor authentication.
iPhone and Android users can reduce battery drain and data usage by restricting Background App Refresh to Wi-Fi connections instead of mobile networks.
Scammers nearly stole an Apple account by exploiting the support system with authentic-looking tickets and phone calls, users can protect themselves with safety steps.
FoloToy restored sales of its AI teddy bear Kumma after a weeklong suspension following safety group findings of risky and inappropriate responses to children.
Threat intelligence firm Synthient uncovers one of the largest password exposures ever, prompting immediate security recommendations.
Viral video shared by Elon Musk shows Tesla's Optimus humanoid robots performing tasks from cooking to construction, garnering over 58.5 million views on social media.
Chinese hackers used Anthropic's Claude AI to launch autonomous cyberattacks on 30 organizations worldwide, marking a major shift in cybersecurity threats.
Apple's new Sleep Score feature gives you a rating for your nightly rest quality. Learn how to set it up on your Apple Watch and iPhone today.
Essential phone settings to enable before losing your device, including Find My network, location services and security features for iPhone and Android.
The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.
Cybersecurity research shows weak passwords remain a major threat, with simple patterns and number sequences putting millions of accounts at risk.
New Android malware BankBot YNRK silences phones, steals banking data and drains crypto wallets automatically. Learn how this advanced threat works.
FDA approves first human trial for Paradromics' brain-computer interface that could restore speech for paralyzed patients through neural technology.
New phishing platform QRR targets Microsoft 365 users across 1,000 domains in 90 countries. Learn how to spot fake login pages and protect your accounts.
OpenTable now uses AI to track your dining habits and share insights with restaurants. Learn what data they collect and how to protect your privacy.
Google's discontinued Nest thermostats still secretly upload home data to company servers despite losing smart features, raising serious privacy concerns.
New Android malware NGate steals NFC payment codes in real-time, allowing criminals to withdraw cash from ATMs without your card. Learn protection tips.
DoorDash confirms data breach exposing customer names, emails, addresses after social engineering attack. Learn how to protect yourself from scams.
Concerned about Google's AI scanning your Gmail? Learn how to disable Gemini features that access your emails, Drive files and Chat messages for privacy.
Google warns Android users about dangerous fake VPN apps hiding malware that steals passwords, banking details and personal data from phones and tablets.
Apple's digital passport feature lets iPhone users breeze through TSA checkpoints this holiday season using Digital ID technology at 250+ airports.
A new phishing scam targets family photos with fake "Cloud Storage Full" alerts. Criminals steal credit card information through fake sites. Learn protection tips.
South Korean scientists create ultra-thin fabric muscles that turn clothes into robotic assistants, lifting 33 pounds while weighing under half an ounce.
Archer Aviation has acquired Hawthorne Airport for $126M to launch an LA air taxi network ahead of the 2028 Olympics, featuring AI-powered eVTOL operations and next-gen aviation tech.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

There is a Technique that can Change Your Life, says Author

Do you feel like your stuck?No matter what you do,... Read More

10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace - Wayne Dyer Book Mini-Review

Dr. Wayne Dyer published his best-selling book, "10 Secrets for... Read More

What Are the Nine Bodyparts of a Better Life?

Your Head, think about what you want and move towards... Read More

Is This Your Time To Take Action?

If you are sick and tired of the dreaming phase... Read More

Choice and Change - The Two Constants

OK, so here we are. We've switched the calendars out... Read More

The Four Key Traits of Highly Successful People

Recently, I was asked to write a Top 10 list... Read More

What Am I Going To Do With The Rest Of My Life?

Unexpected life changes. Anticipated transitions. Long, sleepless nights. What do... Read More

Learning How To Fall: You Have To Learn To Fall Before You Can Ride With Confidence!

About a month ago, I was hit by a car... Read More

Choice: Privilege, Opportunity and Responsibility

One of my absolute favorite quotes is from Dwight D.... Read More

Average Sucks!

The very first "motivational speaker" I heard as an adult... Read More

Failure IS an option.

I wrote an article on this very subject, with the... Read More

Don?t Stop Asking So Many Questions

A few weeks ago I took my boy on a... Read More

The Only Option is to Succeed

With the end of the year fast approaching, now is... Read More

Looking for Harvey Weinstein - The Book and the Business

Two Immigrants Live The American DreamSome may call it a... Read More

Innovation Management ? Measuring Failure

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

How Do You Spell Success

A person who is illiterate can look at a word... Read More

One Step at a Time the Bowling Ball up the Ladder of Success!

I have often been asked the question, "What is true... Read More

8 Ultimate Secrets Skyrocket Your Success!

Whenever I ask people this question, "what do you really... Read More

How To Use The Past, Future, And Present In Attaining Success

Did you know that your past, present, and future can... Read More

Reach Your Goals - Get Professional Help

Get professional help There's no rule that says you have... Read More

Persistence and Determination: Golden Keys to Reaching Success

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.... Read More

Success: 11 Universal Laws to Get You There

The Law of Experience"Success comes from good judgement; good judgement... Read More

Perseverance - How To Quit Quitting

The Definition Of PerseveranceFrom a dictionary: "Persisting in or remaining... Read More

+ Persistence =

"Never, never, never give up; never give up, never!." -... Read More

The Power of Mind-Imagery

Today I feel inspired that I should speak more to... Read More

family-safe home cleaners Northbrook ..