Home
>
Success
>
STOP Trying Harder

STOP Trying Harder

You've been searching for self improvement or personal development. Trying to increase your self esteem, achieve personal growth, have more happiness in your life ? or perhaps reach an important goal.

You're on a meaningful quest! But if you're running into problems and barriers ? it may come from something you were taught as a child! Do you remember being told: "Just try harder!"

Actually, that advice could well be the worst possible advice to drill into a child's head.

Are you surprised to hear that from a success coach? Aren't we *supposed* to keep on harder until we reach our goal.

Actually ?- NO!

Trying harder often just leads straight to failure.

I'd like to share a true personal story.

** A "Try Harder" True Story

I'm sitting in a screened porch in a peaceful little cabin by the shore of Lake Tahoe reading a book. It's a warm late August afternoon and very quiet ? except for an increasingly irritating "buzz-thump."

I look up and see a large fly desperately throwing itself at the window at the far end of the porch.

The fly has staked its life on a doomed strategy: Just try harder ? try harder ? try harder!

Obviously, the fly's goal-seeking behavior is not working! No matter how hard it throws itself at the glass, it can't escape.

Its efforts hold no hope for success.

I watch and wonder at the irony of its situation.

The little creature has literally staked its life on reaching its goal through determined raw effort! But its very struggle is a trap!

I look over at the open door just a few feet away. A short flight and it would be free. The possibility of a life-saving breakthrough was there. It would be so easy.

But the fly had made its commitment!

Why doesn't the creature explore its options, I wonder? Why doesn't it try something different? How did it get locked into one doomed course of action? Into just trying the same thing harder and harder.

The next morning I found the fly dead on the dusty window sill.

I was reminded of an earlier period in my own life. I had wanted to create a breakthrough in my own life. Like that fly, I too had tried harder and harder and harder ? until I finally had to give up in exhaustion.

Here's what I learned (the hard way):

Attempting to achieve a goal by trying the same thing harder and harder is usually a dead end approach!

First: The very word "try" indicates you actually expect failure (you're going to "try" to succeed.)

But if you already know an approach is failing, trying it harder won't get you anywhere!

You'll just fail harder!

Second: Failing again and again does NOT take you any closer to success. All it does is dampen your spirit and damage your self-confidence and self-esteem. And who needs that!

"So," you ask, "How else can I achieve my goals?"

The answer may lie in a pulling back and trying a completely different approach!

Think of that fly on the dusty window sill the next time you find yourself "efforting" to achieve a goal.

"Try harder" is just a big, fat lie that needs to be replaced witha different goal-directed tactic!

Think about it for a moment.

If you want something "new," you're going to have to "do" something new and different. Just doing the same thing will bring the same result. And if that result is failure, forget it!

Let go ? relax ? then try another approach! Sometimes just letting go will clear your mind to see a better way to get what you want.

The author, Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a doctor of psychology, pioneer brain/mind researcher, and former advisor to the Pentagon, a Presidential Commission, and numerous top executives and executive teams.

The author of several books and hundreds of articles, she is also the co-founder of quantum-self.com, and the Creative Director of the Self Discovery Community. She can be reached at: drjill@quantum-self.com

Come visit the exciting Self Discovery Community. Discover the most interesting, unusual, stimulating and creative methods of self discovery on the web today! Free sizzling weekly ezine, and the web's first Brain Gym ezone. drjill@quantum-self.com

Riverside Chicago charter limousine .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

NASA's Ingenuity helicopter, which flew on Mars in April 2021, became the first aircraft to achieve powered, controlled flight on a planet other than Earth.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Thieves who have iPhones can usually detect a hidden AirTag in vehicles they are attempting to steal, and an RFID wallet may not help you.

Genmoji, the latest addition to Apple's Apple Intelligence suite, uses artificial intelligence to generate customized emoji based on text descriptions.

It's easy to find yourself swamped in unread emails. Here are a few simple steps to archiving them and clearing out some of your digital clutter.

Keep your retirement plan safe from data brokers selling your personal information. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how to protect yourself and your retirement.

Turo faces scrutiny after tragic incidents involving rented vehicles, raising questions about security measures and regulatory frameworks.

A Chinese company has developed a spherical, 276-pound law enforcement robot that has been chasing down criminals at impressive speeds.

Here are some powerful online sleuthing tricks you can use to check the credibility of a website, see old pictures of places you've lived and even learn more about your neighbors.

Beware scam calls: Avoid unknown numbers and protect your personal information. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about the increasingly common scam.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you crush your New Year's goals with these 12 apps to help you stay on track and succeed.

There are many untapped safeguards and tips you can learn to take your Wi-Fi knowledge to the next level, technology expert Kim Komando shares her tricks.

VPNs ensure privacy; antivirus stops malware. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says both are essential for online security.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson cites a new report that says many people still use weak passwords like "123456," risking their accounts.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says a tech support scam used a fake Windows Defender pop-up, tricking the victim to call and download software.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals ways to restore accidentally deleted text messages on your Android phone.

A new study says outdoor security camera apps are among the biggest collectors of user data, including phone numbers, payment details and precise location.

In iOS 18.2 and later, Apple's Mail app enhances email management by automatically sorting messages into distinct categories to help find emails faster.

A virtual private network (VPN) allows computer and smartphone users to mask an IP and create a secure, encrypted connection between a device and the internet.

Android 15's latest feature, Private Space, is like a private vault helping to keep your personal or sensitive apps away from prying eyes.

Cybercriminals have more ways than ever to target teenagers; here are some of the most widespread scams and tricks to watch in order to keep your loved ones safe.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A humanoid robot named CUE6 has got game. The basketball-playing robot, produced by Toyota, claimed a Guinness World Record for longest shot.

With electronic signatures becoming more common, Kurt the CyberGuy explains how to produce your digital John Hancock for online documents.

Kurt the CyberGuy walks through steps he recommends immediately taking after getting new electronics — like phones or TVs — as gifts this holiday season.

STOP Trying Harder

Success