Home
>
Success
>
STOP Trying Harder

STOP Trying Harder

You've been searching for self improvement or personal development. Trying to increase your self esteem, achieve personal growth, have more happiness in your life ? or perhaps reach an important goal.

You're on a meaningful quest! But if you're running into problems and barriers ? it may come from something you were taught as a child! Do you remember being told: "Just try harder!"

Actually, that advice could well be the worst possible advice to drill into a child's head.

Are you surprised to hear that from a success coach? Aren't we *supposed* to keep on harder until we reach our goal.

Actually ?- NO!

Trying harder often just leads straight to failure.

I'd like to share a true personal story.

** A "Try Harder" True Story

I'm sitting in a screened porch in a peaceful little cabin by the shore of Lake Tahoe reading a book. It's a warm late August afternoon and very quiet ? except for an increasingly irritating "buzz-thump."

I look up and see a large fly desperately throwing itself at the window at the far end of the porch.

The fly has staked its life on a doomed strategy: Just try harder ? try harder ? try harder!

Obviously, the fly's goal-seeking behavior is not working! No matter how hard it throws itself at the glass, it can't escape.

Its efforts hold no hope for success.

I watch and wonder at the irony of its situation.

The little creature has literally staked its life on reaching its goal through determined raw effort! But its very struggle is a trap!

I look over at the open door just a few feet away. A short flight and it would be free. The possibility of a life-saving breakthrough was there. It would be so easy.

But the fly had made its commitment!

Why doesn't the creature explore its options, I wonder? Why doesn't it try something different? How did it get locked into one doomed course of action? Into just trying the same thing harder and harder.

The next morning I found the fly dead on the dusty window sill.

I was reminded of an earlier period in my own life. I had wanted to create a breakthrough in my own life. Like that fly, I too had tried harder and harder and harder ? until I finally had to give up in exhaustion.

Here's what I learned (the hard way):

Attempting to achieve a goal by trying the same thing harder and harder is usually a dead end approach!

First: The very word "try" indicates you actually expect failure (you're going to "try" to succeed.)

But if you already know an approach is failing, trying it harder won't get you anywhere!

You'll just fail harder!

Second: Failing again and again does NOT take you any closer to success. All it does is dampen your spirit and damage your self-confidence and self-esteem. And who needs that!

"So," you ask, "How else can I achieve my goals?"

The answer may lie in a pulling back and trying a completely different approach!

Think of that fly on the dusty window sill the next time you find yourself "efforting" to achieve a goal.

"Try harder" is just a big, fat lie that needs to be replaced witha different goal-directed tactic!

Think about it for a moment.

If you want something "new," you're going to have to "do" something new and different. Just doing the same thing will bring the same result. And if that result is failure, forget it!

Let go ? relax ? then try another approach! Sometimes just letting go will clear your mind to see a better way to get what you want.

The author, Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a doctor of psychology, pioneer brain/mind researcher, and former advisor to the Pentagon, a Presidential Commission, and numerous top executives and executive teams.

The author of several books and hundreds of articles, she is also the co-founder of quantum-self.com, and the Creative Director of the Self Discovery Community. She can be reached at: drjill@quantum-self.com

Come visit the exciting Self Discovery Community. Discover the most interesting, unusual, stimulating and creative methods of self discovery on the web today! Free sizzling weekly ezine, and the web's first Brain Gym ezone. drjill@quantum-self.com

cheapest limo Akin .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says using outdated computers and software leaves them vulnerable to security risks and malware.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how WalkON enhances walking and jogging with sensors and artificial tendons.

Old-fashioned check fraud is back in style, quintupling over the past year. Here are a few low-tech, practical means of protecting yourself.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how 600,000-plus records, including checks and property data, were left exposed online by an information service provider.

That weird text from a friend may actually be from a hacker. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson tells you what signs to look out for.

Scammers can wreak havoc on your life just by having your phone number. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson addresses how to avoid becoming a victim.

PongBot is an artificial intelligence-powered tennis robot and a smart training partner available to play 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how to update your iPhone to add Apple Intelligence, which he says can transform your interactions with your phone.

University scientists have trained a robotic surgical system to do work with the skill of human doctors, possibly transforming the future of surgeries.

As more companies implement artificial intelligence for daily tasks, some industry leaders are working to push back against certain aspects of the technology.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the Batagaika crater in Siberia expands 35 million cubic feet yearly due to thawing.

While fewer than 30% of farmers reportedly use emerging technologies like artificial intelligence, experts believe AI could help producers and farmers make food quicker and more efficiently.

Amazon becomes a prime target of scammers during the holiday shopping season trying to steal Social Security numbers, bank information and Amazon credentials.

Spammers have found a way to target Spotify playlists and podcasts to push pirated software, cheat codes for games and spam links and malware sites.

Sharing information online like your vacation plans and relationship status can make you a target for scammers; here's what to avoid posting to keep yourself safe.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explores six sneaky holiday season gift card tricks, providing tips on how to outsmart scammers trying to rip you off.

Apple Watch's Translate app gives you your own personal interpreter, allowing you to have live two-way conversations in up to 20 different languages.

With kids facing a seemingly increasing amount of threats from creeps on the internet, here's how you can respectfully ask people not to post photos of your children on social media.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how to regain your Facebook access if you get hacked or locked out.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how to safeguard retirement accounts from cyber threats with a VPN: encryption, anonymity, secure access.

I’m going to Europe soon, and planning my trip was a breeze. Yes, really! AI did a big chunk of the work for me — and it can help you plan your next getaway, too.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says North Korean hackers hide malware in macOS apps, bypassing Mac security checks.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how iPhone’s new Automatic Mic Mode adjusts settings for optimal call quality automatically.

Jeff Hancock, an expert on AI and misinformation, has been accused of fabricating an expert declaration by citing a study that was allegedly made up by AI.

STOP Trying Harder

Success