Home
>
Team Building
>
What?s Wrong With You, Why Don?t You Understand Me?

What?s Wrong With You, Why Don?t You Understand Me?

Recently while waiting for our lunch to be served in a nearby restaurant, my husband Michael and I were discussing our son's upcoming science fair project. Michael was describing the steps that my son should follow to complete the assignment. While Michael was going through this elaborate process, I diligently tried to follow what he was saying, but I sat there completely clueless. As I struggled to gain a better understanding of what he was talking about, my normally affable husband started to show distinct sings of irritation. His unspoken message was 'what's wrong with you, why don't you understand me?" He then proceeded to draw his plan on a napkin in an effort to get his brilliant idea into my dense head. It worked. When Michael started to show me what he was describing, I was able to easily understand his ideas.

People often have problems when they communicate with each other. The communication process is very complex and there are many opportunities for breakdowns to occur. As a result, people can become frustrated, instructions are not carried out correctly, people get offended, and conflict can occur. You can minimize these problems and increase the odds that others will understand you by following these simple steps:

Take responsibility for the communication ? When we communicate with others it is very tempting to blame them for not understanding us. Surely we with our outstanding oratory skills cannot possible be at fault. The problem with this attitude is that it does not achieve our outcome of getting the other person to comprehend what we are trying to say. When we take responsibility for getting a message across to others it frees us to do whatever it takes to achieve that result.
Check non-verbal feedback ? When you speak to someone don't assume that you are making yourself clear to the other person. Check for non-verbal feedback. People give us many clues as to whether or not they understand us. Do they look confused? Are they unusually quiet? When asked if they have any questions, do they answer with a hesitant no? These are all subtle signs that the individual is not sure of what you just said. Continue communicating until you see signs that your message has gotten through.
Be flexible ? When communicating with others, he/she who has the most flexibility wins. If you speak to someone and you can tell by the non-verbal cues that he has no idea what you are talking about, change the way you are communicating. That is what my husband did. When he realized I did not understand his words, he began drawing pictures. Keep changing your communication style until you find the one that works with that particular individual.
Recognize that people understand information in different ways ? People do not understand things in the same way. Some people understand things better when they see them, others when they hear them and others when they do or get a feeling about them. Several years ago, a life insurance salesman came in to meet with Tammi, one of my employees, to discuss insurance needs. He started to describe different insurance options and as he was doing so, Tammi's eyes started to glaze over. I could tell that she had no clue what the salesman was saying. (He obviously wasn't very good with non-verbal cues.) I told him that Tammi understands things better when they are written down. He replied that he would write things down later on in his presentation. (I guess flexibility wasn't his strong point either.)
When he finally began to write things down, it was as if a light bulb had gone off in Tammi's brain. Her eyes cleared up, she shook her head up and down at key point and it was obvious by her non-verbal feedback that she was beginning to understand the salesman's presentation. Use non-verbal cues to determine if the person understands you. If not, try showing her what you mean or getting her emotionally involved in what you are saying.
Don't Make People Wrong ? When we communicate with others the chances are very good that we will have to change strategies along the way. Don't make people wrong because their communication style is different from yours (no what's wrong with you attitude.) If you do, you will not only have to deal with communication problems but also conflict and negative feelings. Instead recognize that each person's uniqueness adds color to the mosaic of life and do whatever you need to do to get your message across correctly.

While it isn't possible to completely eliminate communication problems, by following these steps you can minimize misunderstandings, reduce frustrations, and achieve better outcomes. As for Michael, he's learned to draw pictures for me when we talk and now I understand him just fine.

About The Author

Della Menechella is a speaker, author, and trainer who inspires people to achieve greater success from the inside out. She is a contributing author to Thriving in the Midst of Change and the author of the videotape The Twelve Commandments of Goal Setting. She can be reached at della@dellamenechella.com. Subscribe to free Peak Performance Pointers e-zine - send blank e-mail to della@dellamenechella.com.

scheduled cleaning services Winnetka ..

In The News:

New iPhone replacement scam uses pressure tactics and fake carrier calls to steal devices from buyers. Criminals claim shipping errors and demand urgent returns.

Amazon Ring's new facial recognition feature sparks privacy controversy as Electronic Frontier Foundation critics argue the AI upgrade expands surveillance risks.

New Android banking trojan Sturnus steals credentials, reads encrypted messages and controls devices.

Denmark's 3D-printed student village proves automation builds 36 apartments faster than traditional methods. Skovsporet project shows housing future.

Discover Android's new Sound Notifications feature that alerts you to smoke alarms, doorbells, and baby cries even when wearing headphones.

New SantaStealer malware reportedly threatens holiday shoppers with password theft. This Christmas-themed info-stealer targets browsers and crypto wallets.

The Christmas season brings a surge in Netflix phishing scams targeting shoppers with fake emails. Stacey P received convincing scam but verified account first.

San Francisco Giants invite Jamie Grohsong to throw ceremonial first pitch at Oracle Park after he learned to play baseball with a bionic hand following an injury.

FBI warns cybercriminals are stealing family photos from social media to create fake proof of life images in virtual kidnapping scams targeting victims.

Instagram's new 'Your Algorithm' tool lets you control your Reels feed in real time. The app now gives you power to customize what videos you see.

Major Marquis fintech breach exposes 400,000-plus Americans' data through unpatched SonicWall vulnerability, with Texas hardest hit at 354,000 affected.

Free up iPhone storage fast by clearing large photos and videos from Messages app. Simple steps for iOS users to delete attachments without losing chats.

Scammers are flooding inboxes with fake tracking alerts that mimic real carriers, exploiting the holiday rush to steal logins and personal data.

The Fox News AI Newsletter brings you the latest news on AI technology advancements and the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Texas family reunites with missing 11-year-old cat Grayson after 103 days using Petco Love Lost's AI photo matching technology and community help.

Tired of AI customer service loops? These insider tricks help you escape "frustration AI" and get real human help when you need it most for urgent issues.

Unlock richer audio from your streaming apps with simple tweaks to volume normalization, equalizer settings, and quality preferences for cleaner sound.

Scammers are sending fake Facebook settlement payout emails that mimic legitimate notices from the privacy settlement administrator to deceive users.

Holiday shopping scams surge as fake refund emails target distracted consumers during Black Friday and holiday seasons, costing Americans billions annually.

The AI-powered IRMO M1 exoskeleton features four modes, including turbo, eco, training and rest for hiking, running, cycling and sports with eight-hour battery life.

OpenAI announced upgrades for its ChatGPT Images platform on Tuesday, saying the program can now make more precise edits and produce images more quickly.

Chrome for Android now turns web articles into AI-powered podcast conversations. Get hands-free browsing with Google Gemini's natural audio summaries.

LastPass faces $1.6 million fine from U.K. regulators after 2022 data breach exposed 1.6 million users. Password manager failed proper security controls.

Petco disclosed a data breach exposing customer Social Security numbers, financial account details, and driver's license information due to a software error.

Baseball teams can now analyze complete swing mechanics in normal training environments using Theia's markerless AI system that processes standard high-speed footage.

What?s Wrong With You, Why Don?t You Understand Me?

Team Building