Ten Steps To Better Listening

Talking is the least important half of any conversation. Listening is the real skill. Listening for what is being said, what is being omitted and what's being given a "spin."

You won't get what you need from any conversation unless you know how to listen correctly -- and know what to listen for. Questions, properly used, draw out what you need to hear. But they will be useless unless you listen closely enough to catch what people are telling you.

Here are some crucial guidelines for listening: what to listen for and how to make sure you don't miss it.

1. STAY IN THE MOMENT

Don't allow your attention to drift. Don't let your mind run ahead, preparing the next question or anticipating the flow of conversation. Stay right here. This is where the action is. Don't miss it.

2. DON'T FEAR PAUSES

Many people are afraid they'll look stupid if there's a pause while they consider what to say next, so they tune out part way through the answer to start preparing.

Listening to the answer is far more vital than having the next comment ready as soon as the other person draws breath. Thought is much faster than speech. It may feel as if minutes pass while you get your next question ready, but it will be a few seconds at most; a few seconds in which the person you're talking with will see you have truly listened.

Which will best encourage openness: being slick with the next question or showing you truly listened to the last answer?

3. LISTEN TO "WHAT," THEN "HOW" AND LASTLY "WHY"

Always listen in this order. Get the basic facts clear first (the "what"), then move on to see how they fit together (the "how"). Lastly, try to understand why -- the motives, thoughts and intentions behind the actions and behaviors.

Listening like this will show you right away where essential parts of the story are missing, so you can ask a question to draw them out.

4. WATCH FOR PATTERNS

Patterns are the most revealing elements in any person's story: patterns or action, patterns of choices, patterns of responses to others. Any specific action may be no more than chance. We all make bad choices and take wrong turns. None of that is specially important. But if there is a pattern of bad decisions -- or a pattern of good, courageous ones -- that suggests a recurring trait that will apply in the future as much as it has in the past.

I can't tell you how to do this. Some people seem almost incapable of noting patterns, even after you've pointed them out. It's all about spotting links between seemingly disconnected topics; the kind of links you get in a good mystery novel where the detective pieces all the clues together into an unanswerable proof of guilt.

What I can suggest is that you practice. Like all skills, practice will improve your performance. The more practice you have, the easier it will be, until you can do it in real time.

5. DON'T MAKE NOTES OBSESSIVELY

Taking notes is good practice, just so long as it doesn't interfere with the natural flow of the discussion. Don't allow long pauses while you break eye-contact to scribble on your pad.

The simplest suggestion is to note just a word or two and fill in the blanks immediately after the interview when the detail is still fresh in your mind. Don't assume you'll remember what "toes" meant when twenty-four hours have passed.

6. WATCH FOR EYE AND BODY MOVEMENTS

We communicate in many ways beyond words. But don't fall for pop-psychology interpretations of body language. Shifting in the seat may mean anxiety about some deception. But it may also mean the other person is too hot, too cold, or needs the bathroom.

There is never a simple, perfect "interpretation" of so-called body language. It's best to see it for what it is: a sign that something is going on that might demand your attention. Use it as a wake-up signal and you won't go wrong.

7. NEVER ARGUE OR GET EMOTIONAL

Whatever the other person says in a formal conversation, however much you disagree or loathe what's being said, never, never rise to the bait. Be respectful, without implying agreement or disagreement. Keep your attention alert and your mind open. You have a job to do, not a debate to win. Getting into an argument will interfere with your purpose.

8. LISTEN FOR TONE AND CHOICE OF WORDS

One of the least conscious parts of speaking is the tone we use: relaxed, tight, anxious, angry. Listening to the tone can alert you to meanings far beyond the literal interpretation of the words used.

Does the other person sound at ease? Tense? Uncertain? Angry? Sad? What might this suggest? Does it form a pattern?

Our choice of words can sometimes be a giveaway too. Especially if that choice results in using emotional or judgmental words. If I say a customer is "demanding," that's an objective outlook. If I use words like "awkward," "nasty," "deceitful," "dishonest," or "bloody-minded," I am being judgmental and revealing my emotions as well. Which tells you more about my attitude?

Just remember not to over-react to a single instance. Maybe that customer was dishonest. It happens. Look for patterns that suggest a fixed attitude.

9. REMEMBER YOU'RE HEARING A STORY

Listen for the ebb and flow; the big themes and central ideas. Ask yourself: "What's this story all about? How has it developed? Where's it going?" Don't concentrate on isolated facts. Look for the patterns and how they fit together to form the story of that person's life to date.

10. SMILE

Nothing is more disarming than a smile. Nothing better conveys interest and respect. With so much going on in your head -- asking questions, listening to the answers with rapt attention -- it's easy to come across as stuffy and miserable. Smile. Relax.

You have plenty of time and this person in front of you is really very interesting. Never hurry. Wait until you are sure the other person has said all there is to be said. Those silences while you wait to see if there's more to come are your most powerful technique. Most people cannot resist filling them -- often with all the things they knew they ought not to mention.

Smile. Relax. Wait. It will all come pouring out.

Adrian W. Savage writes for people who want help with the daily dilemmas they face at work. He has contributed more than 25 articles to leading British and American publications and has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and The Chicago Tribune.

Visit his blog on the ups and downs of business life.

Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Fueled by artificial intelligence, CyberDog the robotic dog is designed specifically locate fire ant nests, which are endangering ecosystems.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
Internet browsers are useful, but they can be dangerous. Clicking on malicious links can direct you to dangerous websites that steal information or infect your device.
Apple's latest iOS update introduces advanced artificial intelligence capabilities, which may be capturing and analyzing sensitive information.
Breach site confirmed 56,904,909 Hot Topic users' data leaked online. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the company's silence makes matters even worse.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how an innovative Easy-Way kit turns standard strollers electric, simplifying navigation for parents.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about T-Mobile being hacked in broad cyberattack on global phone and internet companies.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to add, customize and manage widgets for quick access to apps and info from your iPhone home screen.
Wrong Google searches can not only compromise your device and personal data. They can also bring law enforcement to your doorstep. Hackers are targeting Google searches.
China's Shanghai Kepler Robotics has developed a new humanoid robot that can carry up to 35 pounds per hand for commercial applications across various industries
Checking your hearing has gotten easier with the new hearing test feature in AirPods Pro 2. You can take reliable hearing tests using your iPhone or iPad.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how a VPN — virtual private network — works and how running it can slow down the operation of your device.
The WalkON Suit F1, an exoskeleton developed to help people with disabilities, can actually walk over to a person in a wheelchair, solving a major problem.
ClickFix, a new scam targeting computer users, is on the rise in the U.S. The scam prompts its targets to click on a link to fix a problem.
Skydweller is the world's largest unmanned solar-powered aircraft that can stay airborne for weeks, and even months, without refueling.
The U.S. government said it is investigating after People's Republic of China hackers targeted commercial telecommunications service providers in the U.S.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Scammers are using increasingly sophisticated ways to lure unsuspecting victims, and some are impersonating an email help desk or support team.
You can unsend or edit your iMessages with the latest iOS updates. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how you can save yourself some potential embarrassment.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there’s been a rise in cybercriminal services using hacked police and government emails to send subpoenas and data requests to U.S. companies.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Axiom Space and luxury designer Prada are collaborating on NASA's Artemis III spacesuit design.
Voice assistants may cause confusion across devices. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers some solutions to fix it.
Shameless scammers trick veterans into giving personal info or cash. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explores five common scams.

International Shipping/Freight for Dummies

There are lots of benefits for some businesses to import... Read More

Tips to Starting your Own Busniess

The 9-to-5 grind can make you feel like a just... Read More

7 Tips To Increase The Success Of Your Online Business

1. Outsource what takes you too long to doWhen you... Read More

10 Dos and Donts Of Customer Services

Email etiquette is the key to help calm down anxious... Read More

Top 10 Tips on How To Write About Yourself

Many people find it really hard to write for business... Read More

Top 7 Strategies for Writing Accounting Procedures

Part Two of Cash to Cash Cycle SeriesNext: SalesWe've already... Read More

The Top Ten Qualities that Allow Business Operations to Grow Easily

My husband and I were enjoying our dinner meal one... Read More

Ten Tips for Working at Home

1. Maintain regular working hours and stick to them.2. Get... Read More

Top Ten Reasons to Write a Sales Letter for Each Product? - Part 2

Authors/publishers are great at getting their books written. Entrepreneurs know... Read More

7 Money Saving Tips to Decrease Home Business Expenses

We all know that running a home business is highly... Read More

Top 10 Steps to Build Your Professional Practice Now!

1. Examine everything in your office from the view of... Read More

I WANT IT NOW - 10 Tips for Freight & Drayage at Trade Shows

Gas prices continue to go through the roof and increased... Read More

The Top Ten Reasons to Hire a Coach

1. You have a big goal and you want someone... Read More

7 Strategies for Handling Last Minute Meetings

Have you ever found yourself having to scramble to organize... Read More

7 Ways To Get One-way Links To Your Site

One way links will help you gain better rankings in... Read More

1 Step Program to Achieve All of Your Goals

In Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen's original "Chicken Soup... Read More

11 Things Small Business Owners Can Learn From Michael Dell

1. Think Big ? In college, Michael Dell said he... Read More

The Top 10 Reasons Businesses Succeed

Only one of every 5 businesses makes it to its... Read More

Increase Exposure, and Profits With Powerful Memorable Business Cards Using These Ten Strategies

Your business card is a valuable piece of real estate... Read More

10-Point Checklist for High Visibility in Google

Google is the pre-eminent search engine (SE) with no close... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Develop New Success Habits

1. Make a clear, specific commitment to what you want.... Read More

Sales Marketing: 10 Tips On How To Promote Yourself And Generate Sales

A lot of people are insecure about buying something or... Read More

11 Things Small Business Owners Can Learn From Star Wars

1. Great Things Take Time ? Three years passed between... Read More

Business Meeting Etiquette

Business etiquette is essentially about building relationships with colleagues, clients... Read More

Advice for New Coaches: 10 Ways to Attract Your First Paying Client and Receive Endless Referrals

Many new coaches struggle to attract their first client. Often,... Read More

Antigo wedding limo ..