A few months ago, I set out to lose 22.6 pounds, then to put back on at least half of it.
Huh? Anybody who's ever found herself stuck on a yo-yo diet is probably thinking that I am either crazy or planning way too hard for the inevitable yo-yo heartaches. However, my plan is more sneaky than that.
First, I want to lose this rubber tire I've been carrying around my waist. Have you ever gotten stuck inside a rubber tire? It's not a pretty site.
Then, I want to put back some of that weight in the form of muscle. It's my grand master plan to change my shape from looking like a silly pear to looking like an upside down silly pear.
Will it work?
I think I have the "silly" part figured out. And so far, I have lost14.6 pounds, but I think I really lost a few more, because I have been getting ahead of schedule on adding those muscle pounds.
I would love to tell you what my weight is now, but that's very private information. Why should it be so private? I am not 100% certain, but I believe it is so that people can easily move between Earth and the Moon without being detected by hidden scales. (Why people keep their age private is the subject of my column on aging gracefully at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html .)
While there is more to healthy dieting than a few tips, these ten dieting tips should help you laugh away a few pounds (What a great way to lose!). Hint: the tips are serious; the explanations are not.
Tip #1: Never eat before bed. This is just common sense. It is so much more fun to eat IN bed.
Tip #2: Bake, don't fry. This is also common sense. Baking allows you to retain more friendships. When you bake in the sun, you get a nice tan and go for a dip in the pool to cool off with your friends. But when you fry, you get a sunburn and don't dare go in the shower for a week...which scares your friends away.
Tip #3: Drink plenty of water before meals. This will help you eat less during the meal. After all, few people can over-eat consistently while rushing off to the bathroom.
Tip #4: Don't taste-test while you cook. Many cooks taste their dishes several times while cooking to make sure the flavor is just right. Over a lifetime, the typical cook who takes such measures will put on 13.4 pounds. Worse still, tasting your cooking in advance deprives you of entertaining facial scrunches when your family tastes your untested recipes. (Remember that laughter is a great way to burn calories?)
Tip #5: Don't eat what your kids leave behind. Admit it, after your kids leave the table, you gather up the food they leave behind. You just can't bear to throw it away because you know that it's enough to feed a small, famished African country. So you eat a "second supper" out of guilt. How can you be so heartless?! Send the leftover food to that small, famished African country.
Tip #6: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not all that bad for you, if you eat them in moderation. But stay away from those dreaded peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches.
Tip #7: Blot your pizza to remove 17% of the saturate fats. If you blot it really well, you can remove 100%. Of course, an empty plate might require a spicier sauce...
Tip #8: No snacking in front of the TV. Get up. Right now. No snacking in front of my TV. I don't want crumbs on my living room carpet.
Tip #9: Schedule your exercise. It's true, if you don't schedule it, your exercise will get pushed aside by things you do schedule. I suggest scheduling it during office meetings, dental appointments and reality TV shows. You wouldn't want to miss anything important, would you?
Tip #10: This is a good one. Why, because #10 on any top-ten list is always a good one. Ten is a great number. So tip #10 is to celebrate every ten pounds lost by preparing a triple chocolate double-dip cheesecake supreme ice cream parfait deluxe. Go ahead and drool. You deserve it. And if you think preparing it is fun, just wait until you lose another 50 pounds ... and have permission to actually eat it.
I hope these tips help you. On a serious note, most people will lose a significant amount of weight if they follow these ten tips along with watching their calories according to any popular healthy dieting plan. Well...almost. You might not want to follow tip #6. You will probably lose fewer pounds eating jelly than you would eating jellyfish.
About The Author
David Leonhardt writes about happy thoughts at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html , positive thinking at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html and tearing down your house at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html ... so why not write about dieting?
http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html
shuttle from O'Hare Brocton .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareDeveloped by Dr. Arthur Agatston, The South Beach Diet touts... Read More
Wanna know the truth? If you're going to... Read More
THE 200 POINT SYSTEMWith so many different diets available, how... Read More
Tip 1) DRINK A GLASS OF WATER AFTER EACH SNACKThis... Read More
Why is it so hard to lose weight and keep... Read More
How's this for a diet: Take in fewer calories than... Read More
Ok... If you are reading this is because you do... Read More
The percentage of Americans who are overweight and obese is... Read More
Fast Weight Loss - Is it better to lose 2lbs... Read More
How would you like Julia Roberts to coach you on... Read More
It's definitely no fun to lose weight -- put it... Read More
Obesity, once seen as akin to laziness and overeating, is... Read More
Body Mass Index (BMI)Body Mass Index is an accurate indicator... Read More
Whether coming from a close friend, the nightly news or... Read More
In general, fast weight loss is not healthy. The faster... Read More
You may be considering a low carb diet program, but... Read More
Are you ready to lose some weight? Perhaps you're surfing... Read More
Some of you will not like what I'm going to... Read More
Any dietary plan on the market has some portion of... Read More
Every Journey Worth Taking Begins with a Single StepHere are... Read More
The Atkins diet Plan breakfast can usually composed of eggs... Read More
Are you often overcome with an urge to splurge on... Read More
Cleansing: How to Kickstart your Alkaline LifestyleDue to the highly... Read More
Whole grains and weight loss have a definite, scientific, and... Read More
Obesity is quickly becoming the number one health issue confronting... Read More
Chicago charter limousine service Hickory Hills ..Gastric bypass patients often find themselves regaining weight soon after... Read More
For those of you who aren't familiar with ephedra let... Read More
Once upon a time, I fretted about going to a... Read More
With the growing epidemic of diabetes and obesity in our... Read More
It's definitely no fun to lose weight -- put it... Read More
There is never any absolute certainty about what the nutritional... Read More
Patrick Henry once said, "I have but one lamp by... Read More
Many Americans include health improvement in their New Year's Resolutions.... Read More
False campaignsMore than 50 percent of Americans and Canadians are... Read More
Now this is the real American Dream! I'm here to... Read More
Offer a woman the choice between a dress she likes... Read More
Dr. Atkins death was unexpected. On 8 April 2003, he... Read More
"The kind of thoughts that you plant in your mind,... Read More
The incidences of deseases like obesity, diabetes, colon deseases etc.are... Read More
Weighing more than is normal, necessary, or allowed, especially having... Read More
Lipoxinol Weight Loss Review: Does Lipoxinol Live Up To All... Read More
"Polyols" or sugar alcohols are a number of different carbohydrates... Read More
Tip 1) DRINK A GLASS OF WATER AFTER EACH SNACKThis... Read More
This is a layman marketer's observations on diets and weight... Read More
How would you like Julia Roberts to coach you on... Read More
There are tons of fad diets and weight loss schemes... Read More
When considering that pathological eating disorders and their related diseases... Read More
Did you know that less than 2% of dieters lose... Read More
Did you say there's a way I can eat what... Read More
Twenty years of health club consulting, 50,000 hours of paid... Read More
Weight Loss |