Home
>
Writing
>
Getting Past The Shoulds To Write

Getting Past The Shoulds To Write

During the past few months I have received many questions as to how I have gone from an unknown writer to over coming society's adversarial thoughts on what writing should be and become a well known writer. So, today, I was inspired to write on this. Let me present a gist of my story. And like all stories there's always more depth.

When it comes to being judged by society's belief of what good writing is, I thoroughly understand the pressure. Been through that. For years I was a closet writer because the feedback I received from writing instructors (from various levels) was, "your writing is...is...is different and I'm not really qualified to comment." I took this to mean, "I was a lousy writer." So daily, I quietly wrote, read it, agreed, and tossed it into a growing set of boxes.

Years and 72 boxes later, my insides were screaming. The screaming displayed itself in anger everything I did and everyone I touched. After my father died, I was fed up with life, society, and all the shoulds in my life. I knew I was angry at something but had no idea what at that time. With a full level of frustration and disgust, I decided to give up everything, take off a year, and travel to every writing conference, study anywhere I could, with anyone I could, and "really" learn to write. I had no idea what I was looking for at the time. Now I realize that I was looking for my personal voice and my writing voice.

After traveling I returned home to Virginia not feeling that much better about my writing than when I started. I did notice that my skin was a little tougher but I was still angry, still embarrassed about my call to write. And as far as my skill level, I didn't feel there was much improvement. The feedback I received was similar to what I received before. One teacher, at a workshop at Puget Sound Writing Conference, Washington state, told me, "If I kept working at it maybe (with a big voice emphasis at maybe) some day in 10 years or so I will be good enough to release my writing."

Occasionally a light appeared in my tunnel. One time was when I was attending the International Writer's Guild (IWG) yearly retreat in Syracuse, New York. Hundreds of women writers, all supportive, all different in so many ways. The positive energy was empowering. I took away from this that there wasn't any exact science to writing. Learning to trust my own womanhood at 52 was a completely new eye opening experience for me. There was a shift in my writing voice.

A few weeks after my year, I woke up crying. Not a gentle sob but a whaling one. I was pissed. I was angry. At the world, at myself, at the lamp shade, it didn't matter. I kicked shoes, took walks, and wrote pages in my journal trying to understand what was happening. There was a rage, an internal fight between what feedback and their suggestions and my internal dialogue. Later I realized the writer inside was fighting to get out.

Afterwards, my pissed let to, "screw everyone." I apologize for the language ladies and gents but I'm sharing my truth. I decide to just put it out there and let it land where it may. Grammar mistakes, imperfections, whatever emerged. Let the commas be too many or too few.

The first time I had to let go it took me a week of internal dialoguing, and more edits than I'm willing to admit to, in order to let go. (Actually my first experience with over editing.) My emotions changed by the hour. My family ran for the hills and didn't know what to do with me. I didn't even know what to do with me.

The first time an English specialist sent me their suggestion that I might want to improve on my grammar first, mind you they never were specific of where or even what they were reading, I would cry again. This would cause me to stop writing for the remainder of the day. The next day I was back to a "what the he__" again (thank goodness).

Next I wanted to tackle adding discipline to my writing. Boy 'o boy that was easy to say yet hard to implement. I soon learned that I preferred cleaning out the refrigerator, even visit the dentist rather than sitting down at a specific time to write. Since then and over time, I learned how this same avoidance rippled its way into other places in my life.

At no given time did I ever suffer from writer's block. I always felt comfortable writing on almost anything (a blessing and a curse). The curse being I was spreading my focus too thinly. Yet, I was happy and having a ball and that's why I kept on doing it that way. Looking back, now I can see how badly I needed to release all my bottled up emotions at that time.

Success at focusing in didn't come easy. But eventually the excuses ran out and the emotions balanced it started to come naturally. When I learn to place my needs first, which also meant writing, anger never emerged. In fact, I was down right pleasant to be around the rest of the day. My discipline started with one hour of writing every morning and has evolved into a 5 to 8 morning experience and an hour in the evening reviewing my days notes.

The more I wrote, the more outlet opportunities knocked on my door. I began three ezines, including a daily. Then I began writing for other professionals and Internet and magazine articles.

When I began to allow my writings to go public, even one email from about my English skills set me to tears and I couldn't write the rest of the day. Thank goodness it didn't last and the next morning I was writing again. At that moment I realized the importance of a disciplined writing time.

Eventually, I began to receive feedback on how people loved what I wrote, liked my ideas, and by passed the occasional grammar error. My name even found its place in a few local newspapers including the Washington Post. The positive feedback was far bigger than the "you've need to do better" messages. They began with three pats to one scolding. Then moved to six pats to one. Then 30 pats to 1.

And the most amazing part -- I was happier than ever. You could find me starting my weekend day writing at McDonalds (the only place open at 6 am), by 10 at the bookstore, by 3 the library, by 6 returning home and satisfied. There were bum times on park benches especially in the spring, museums and shopping malls when the weather was nasty. At my frequent stops employees or regulars stopped and asked what I was working on and willingly shared their thoughts and ideas on the topic. Some agreed, some didn't, but the magic was my writing was richer because of them, because of the environmental switches.

My writing kept improving and what I produced tripled. Occasionally I would read something I previous wrote and sat numb, not believing, "I wrote, that!" My inner critic even stopped punching.

Now my pat to grammar email ratio doesn't matter. I know there's more to learn yet I'm so glad my writing is out in the public eye. I write every chance I can and make the space for it in my life. Topics don't matter nor does first quality matter. Just as long as it's on a page somewhere and safe.

A little while back I began outlining (Mind Maps) before writing. Previously outlining wasn't my thing. I've also learned that if there I don't have a certain number of points don't begin to write. Yet even I don't have enough to begin writing, my mind is still tumbling and building and something better always appears. Something that couldn't appear without the tossing first.

Over the years, my penmanship has gone from good to worse. What I have also realized is that my first draft is sometimes just me jumping and trying to find my way around on the topic. Almost like a maze. Afterwards, I highlight the good and usually find there is more than one topic to go with.

My advice to people who desire to write -- follow your heart. Trust that it will lead you down the right path. Trust today's writing will always look different tomorrow and your writing will always improve and evolve the more you write. Not any book you read, writing conference you attend, the best lessons are learned by writing regularly.

One of my favorite quotes is, "Big things come from the smallest actions." The light will come after you complete many small actions. The same as I did and many who preceded me, there is light available in the tunnel and you will see changes within yourself that will transfer onto the pages. Writing will always be an evolving process, even after the Pulitzer.

Worry about the grammar until its time, not before. If you learn one writing tip a week and work it into your writing all week, it can't help but improve because that's 52 improvements a year.

You don't need a lot, one word can do. For one year I wrote 394 articles from one word -- honor. Every time I completed one article the word was complete, another appeared. If I had thought I could write this many articles from one word before this experience I would laugh at you. Eventually I called a truce. It was amazing watch my bar as it kept getting higher. An experience that fuels my beliefs today. Whenever I began to write another honor story I was transitioned to age seven watching my Dad pitch the ball against the steel milk bottles, feeling like I just won the 1st prize teddy bear. Yes, the biggest one on the top shelf, the one that looks twice my size.

At times the thoughts were firing so rapidly it forced me to stop what I was doing and write what I could. Many times I had to pull off the road and get it down.

Even today there are times when my writing doesn't make sense but I know now that I can't get to the next point until I get rid of this stuff first. Like many writers, we all have a few boxes or stacks of these.

For everyone who feels a pull to write but hasn't. Let me quote Nike, "just do it." Let all the inhibitions go, they are nonsense until after all the editing. Let the commas fall where they may. Write without any attachment to the outcome. That comes later.

It took time for my writing to turn into a hundred thousand dollar business. Even a year ago I wouldn't have thought it possible and would have just laughed at the though. I am happier than ever. No crying, just writing. No kicking the shoes. No more doubt of my possibilities (okay, some but very small). Be free, write and let it lead you wherever it needs to go.

Nothing you or I write will ever be lost. Fight for your writer's life, it's worth the battle. Especially don't let anyone should all over you.

Catherine Franz, writer, speaker, marketing master, specializes in infoproduct development. More at: http://www.marketingstrategiestogo.com and http://www.marketingstrategiestogo.com Including articles and ezines.

disinfecting cleaning services Arlington Heights ..

In The News:

Malicious Chrome and Edge extensions collected browsing history, keystrokes and personal data from millions of users before Google and Microsoft removed them.

Google's new Call Reason feature lets Android users mark calls as urgent before dialing, displaying an urgent label to recipients using Phone by Google app.

Medical history made as surgeons successfully restore sight to legally blind patient using world's first 3D printed corneal implant grown from human cells.

Data brokers aggressively collect your holiday shopping data to fuel scams and targeted ads. Learn how to delete your digital profile before 2025 starts.

Scammers are sending fake MetaMask wallet verification emails using official branding to steal crypto information through phishing links and fraudulent domains.

Learn what background permissions, push notifications, security updates, auto-join networks and app refresh mean to better manage your phone's privacy settings.

Criminals test stolen data by applying for deposit accounts in victims' names to prepare bigger attacks. Learn why banks won't share fraud details.

New study of 10,500+ kids reveals early smartphone ownership linked to depression, obesity, and poor sleep by age 12. Earlier phones mean higher risks.

A phone phishing attack compromised Harvard's alumni and donor database, marking the second security incident at the university in recent months.

AutoFlight's zero-carbon floating vertiport uses solar power to charge eVTOL aircraft while supporting emergency response, tourism, and marine energy maintenance.

A new phone return scam targets recent buyers with fake carrier calls. Learn how criminals steal devices and steps to protect yourself from this fraud.

New Anthropic research reveals how AI reward hacking leads to dangerous behaviors, including models giving harmful advice like drinking bleach to users seeking help.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

Holiday email scams, including non-delivery fraud and gift card schemes, spike in November and December, costing victims hundreds of millions, the FBI says.

Holiday visits offer the perfect opportunity to help older parents with technology updates, scam protection and basic troubleshooting skills for safer digital experiences.

Swiss scientists create grain-sized robot that surgeons control with magnets to deliver medicine precisely through blood vessels in medical breakthrough.

Researchers exploited WhatsApp's API vulnerability to scrape 3.5 billion phone numbers. Learn how this massive data breach happened and protect yourself.

Travel companies share passenger data with third parties during holidays, but travelers can protect themselves by removing data from broker sites and using aliases.

Xpeng's humanoid robot moves so realistically that crowds believed it was fake, marking a major advancement in robotics technology ahead of 2026 commercial launch.

Researchers discover phishing scam using invisible characters to evade email security, with protection tips including password managers and two-factor authentication.

iPhone and Android users can reduce battery drain and data usage by restricting Background App Refresh to Wi-Fi connections instead of mobile networks.

Scammers nearly stole an Apple account by exploiting the support system with authentic-looking tickets and phone calls, users can protect themselves with safety steps.

FoloToy restored sales of its AI teddy bear Kumma after a weeklong suspension following safety group findings of risky and inappropriate responses to children.

Threat intelligence firm Synthient uncovers one of the largest password exposures ever, prompting immediate security recommendations.

Viral video shared by Elon Musk shows Tesla's Optimus humanoid robots performing tasks from cooking to construction, garnering over 58.5 million views on social media.