How to Write Bad Poetry

So you've decided to crown yourself with a title that a million other people (just like you (yes, just like you!)) give themselves every day. Some people believe giving yourself such a title is equivalent to, and just as beneficial monetarily, as naming yourself Queen of England. But, there is no grace, rarely enough publicity, and only the title of Court Jester seems to be becoming for you because you are a fool among others.

What is this sacred title? Poet.

Why does titling yourself a "poet" make you a Fool? Well, it doesn't, not in and of itself. But if you've only been published online, never in print-that could be a sign of your well-earned Fool status. To be blunt-that is a sign that you write bad poetry.

Why would these sites accept your work if it sucked, you ask? Maybe to raise their quota, maybe to get more submissions of the site's particular interest, but mainly to actually HAVE something to post-most (but not all) sites are desperate for submissions. Or maybe they're out for a profit. Come on, who among us HASN'T had something accepted by the National Library of Poetry, and then gotten all the brochures for expensive products featuring our work?

The Webmaster vs. Editor Problem: Go to any website, check it out. Can you find someone with the title of Webmaster? How about editor? Or, still yet, Webmaster AND Editor? A Webmaster does not, by any means, mean Editor. Simply because someone is a webmaster (someone who controls the site, updates the postings, etc. . . ) does not mean that the person is an EDITOR (someone who corrects the work, proofreads, re-writes, re-words, etc?) of the work posted on the site. In many cases, webmasters who are disguising themselves as editors are giving real editors a bad name. A webmaster, will too often post submissions "as is" and not give a damn about the content or presentation. However, if a site has someone who can both edit and be a webmaster then the site is moving in the right direction.

This is the main problem source. Building a website, and getting work "published" on a website is so easily done by anyone whether they have talent or not that it de-values the word "published" and lessens the role of an Editor.

Granted, the internet IS a great marketing tool for promoting your work, getting your name in the public's eye, and getting writing experience, but have you ever asked yourself why your work is ONLY published online? Perhaps it is because no discerning EDITOR has ever seen your dribbly poems, except in browsing the web for bad poems to laugh at.

Here are a few tips that will help you to get your work published online. Hey, I figured if you're going to be a fool about getting your unpolished work published on the internet for the world to see, I'd give a few tips to help your bad poetry stay that way, since you seem to like that way best:

  • Place the word "Love" in your title. That's a major plus!

  • Be straight-forward, don't use symbols, metaphors or anything that will make the reader think. Readers don't have time to think.

  • Focus on form-(sonnets, villanelles, haiku). Since you think in form, write in form.

  • Keep your poem in a rhyme-scheme. Why? Well, EVERYONE knows that all GOOD poems rhyme, the rest can be disregarded as a post-modern mess!

  • Only write in YOUR point of view. Write exactly what you believe, never try to portray the image of someone else. Better yet, start the poem with "I".

  • Keep your poems untitled. Readers love to be creative and imagine what the title should and could be.

  • Write in the same place. If you write in your bedroom-always write there; if you write outside under a tree-always write there---why try variety and ruin a good thing?

  • Don't ever base a character in a poem on someone you actually KNOW. Heaven forbid you get the piece published, and have to explain to the person-"this is you".

  • Read, but if you don't like a poem or a poet-just toss it. Don't even question why you don't appreciate the work.

  • Have no structure. Poetry is about limitless expressions, right? So in that sense, make your lines and stanzas as long as you wish. Just write exactly how you feel!

  • Don't keep a journal. Journal causes too much self-reflection and you want to write for the moment, not yesterday.

  • Use clich?s as much as possible. People like to read familiar phrases.

  • Not every line of a poem is important. Just make sure you have a good first and last line.

    14.Poems don't progress, that's the difference between a story and a poem. Poems aren't suppose to take you on a journey to learn.

  • Submit your poems to only websites. That way, you will never have to face the fact that your poetry SUCKS, because it will only be read by the friends and relatives to whom you give the site's URL, and your friends will never tell you that reading your poetry is greater torture than letting a small, sharp-clawed guinea pig walk on their sunburned skin.

    If you follow these guidelines, and start writing, you will be a "poet" in no time. Remember that poetry HAS to rhyme, and remember that the less you practice the better you are.

    Joking aside-you might want to try doing exactly opposite of the "tips" in the list. And, since many webmasters (who are titling themselves Editor) aren't doing their job, it's up to you to learn to edit your work before you embarrass yourself.

    (This article is not commenting that ALL online poetry is not well-crafted. But the poorly crafted poetry far outweighs the well-written by a landslide.)

    About The Author

    Stephen Jordan, a Medical Editor in Greenwich, Connecticut, currently lives in New York City, has five years experience within the educational publishing industry. Stephen was a freelance editor with such educational foundations as Princeton Review, The College Board, New York University, and Columbia University. Away from the office, Stephen promotes his creative writing, painting, and his home-based freelance business OutStretch Publications. Stephen holds two Bachelor of Arts degrees in writing and literature from Alderson-Broaddus College of Philippi, West Virginia.

    editor@outstretch.net

    non-toxic cleaning company Winnetka ..
    In The News:

    Researchers are now showing us that old smartphones as data centers could be the next big thing in sustainable tech.
    Scientists have created micro-robots for sinus infection treatment that can enter the nasal cavity, eliminate bacteria directly at the source, and exit without harming surrounding tissue.
    Let's examine how your data is collected in everyday life, who is buying and selling it, what happens to it afterward, and, most importantly, what you can do to protect yourself.
    Researchers at the University of Sheffield in the U.K. developed small robots called "Pipebots" that can travel inside water pipes to find and potentially repair leaks, all without any excavation.
    A groundbreaking new study has uncovered disturbing AI blackmail behavior that many people are unaware of yet.
    Four teams of autonomous humanoid robots competed in China's first AI soccer tournament, demonstrating advanced capabilities in ball detection and independent decision-making.
    The ID. Buzz autonomous van features self-driving technology with 13 cameras, nine LiDAR units and five radars after Volkswagen partnered with Hamburg and Uber for 2026 deployments.
    Social Security phishing scams use urgency and impersonation to steal personal data. Learn how to spot fake SSA emails and implement 10 protective measures.
    French startup Pazzi Robotics created an AI-powered pizza robot that made pies in under five minutes without human help, but it closed in 2022 despite patents and expert partnerships.
    Reclaim your time from big tech with effective screen time reduction strategies for iPhone and Android, featuring steps to limit app usage and create phone-free zones.
    Amazon Prime Day shoppers face threats from 120,000-plus scam websites as cybercriminals prepare phishing traps and malware ahead of the July sales event.
    Fox News' AI Newsletter brings you the latest on this rapidly evolving technology.
    The AEON humanoid robot tackles labor challenges with Nvidia AI, Microsoft Azure cloud and advanced spatial awareness, working alongside industry leaders Schaeffler and Pilatus.
    Google's Ask Photos feature brings AI-powered searches to your photo library, letting you find memories with natural language queries while maintaining privacy controls.
    The return of blue book exams emerges as universities fight widespread AI academic dishonesty and educators debate whether to ban AI tools or teach responsible usage.
    Signs your phone might be hacked include strange behavior, unauthorized texts, battery drain and pop-ups, while protection involves updating software and avoiding public Wi-Fi.
    Tokyo startup H2L has launched Capsule Interface technology enabling full-body robot control with muscle sensors, offering immersive remote operation.
    The A.I. industry seems set for growing pains as Big Tech companies scramble for solutions to the medium's unprecedented strain on the power grid.
    Fourth of July fireworks cause a 60% spike in lost pets, but GPS trackers and AI photo-matching services like Love Lost can help reunite missing dogs with their families.
    Protect yourself from jugging, the rising crime by which thieves monitor ATM users and follow them to steal cash, with six practical safety tips to stay alert and secure.
    U.S. airlines like Delta, American and United are selling your domestic flight records to government agencies through the little-known Travel Intelligence Program.
    Autonomous robots from Uber Eats are rolling out across U.S. cities, featuring LIDAR sensors, secure compartments and all-weather operation for food and grocery delivery.
    Costco has expanded into EV infrastructure with new ultra-fast charging stations that can charge most electric vehicles to 80% in 20-60 minutes while shoppers browse the warehouse.
    The new Gemini Robotics On-Device AI allows robots to perform complex tasks without internet, offering enhanced privacy, reliability and adaptability for real-world use.
    Protect yourself from Amazon phishing scams by spotting red flags like suspicious sender addresses and spelling errors while using Amazon's Message Center to verify communications.
  • Memoir Writing Help, Memoir Writing Ideas

    You might not need any memoir writing help, per se,... Read More

    Pairs/Groups Of Words Often Confused - Part 3 of 6

    ELICIT, ILLICITElicit means to extract or draw out; illicit means... Read More

    A Series of Articles on Autobiography

    ESSAYS ON AUTOBIOGRAPHY: NUMBER 1Preamble:Nearly seven years ago I wrote... Read More

    Making The Time To Write That Novel

    Finding the time to write a novel is one of... Read More

    Writing Secrets You Must Know

    Writing better is critical for students. But it's even more... Read More

    Creating a Writing Space

    It's important to have a space set aside in your... Read More

    Becoming a Writer

    The urge to write fiction seems God given for some,... Read More

    How to Break In and Succeed as a Screenwriter

    Screenwriting is a competitive trade. To distinguish yourself as a... Read More

    Top Ten Ways to Write Like a Pro Checklist

    Sure you can write, but can you write crisp, compelling... Read More

    Who Said That? Making Dialogue Crystal Clear

    Recently, I was hunting for a book that would simply... Read More

    Writers Who Consistently Cut The Mustard Do So Because...

    Have you ever wondered why certain writers are able to... Read More

    How You Can Become a Certified and Profitable Proofreader

    A certified proofreader is one that has taken a few... Read More

    8 Tell-Tale Signs That Forecast Writing Success!

    'Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented... Read More

    10 Tips on How to Cultivate Relationships with Editors

    If you are an aspiring writer, or you simply want... Read More

    Have You Completed A Character Questionnaire?

    Creative Writing Tips ?Complete a character questionnaire for each of... Read More

    Turning Your Journal Into An Idea Bank

    A few magazines refer to their written idea sources in... Read More

    Writing Tips For Novice Authors

    If you are reading this article then you probably have... Read More

    If The Viewpoint Character Is A Secondary Character, Have You Established Who He is?

    Creative Writing Tips ?I have said above that if a... Read More

    The Unwritten World Of The Reality Of Letterwriting

    You may wonder why I have chosen this title of... Read More

    Conflict - How To Keep Your Readers Turning Pages

    Some writers are just too kind.They hate to put their... Read More

    Ten Tips to Help You Finish Writing Your Novel

    1. Set aside a time to write and keep it... Read More

    Effective Collaboration - Working With Your Ghostwriter

    Using a ghostwriter to craft your free reprint articles and... Read More

    How to Outline your Book and Chapters with Mindmapping

    Mindmapping is better than linear outlining because authors can use... Read More

    Inspiring the Poet in You!

    Poems. Just the mention of them makes me smile. Why?... Read More

    Learn to Talk on Paper: The Art of Effective Business Writing

    Rudolf Flesch, a specialist in writing skills, ran classes... Read More

    experienced cleaning professionals Glencoe ..