How to Write Bad Poetry

So you've decided to crown yourself with a title that a million other people (just like you (yes, just like you!)) give themselves every day. Some people believe giving yourself such a title is equivalent to, and just as beneficial monetarily, as naming yourself Queen of England. But, there is no grace, rarely enough publicity, and only the title of Court Jester seems to be becoming for you because you are a fool among others.

What is this sacred title? Poet.

Why does titling yourself a "poet" make you a Fool? Well, it doesn't, not in and of itself. But if you've only been published online, never in print-that could be a sign of your well-earned Fool status. To be blunt-that is a sign that you write bad poetry.

Why would these sites accept your work if it sucked, you ask? Maybe to raise their quota, maybe to get more submissions of the site's particular interest, but mainly to actually HAVE something to post-most (but not all) sites are desperate for submissions. Or maybe they're out for a profit. Come on, who among us HASN'T had something accepted by the National Library of Poetry, and then gotten all the brochures for expensive products featuring our work?

The Webmaster vs. Editor Problem: Go to any website, check it out. Can you find someone with the title of Webmaster? How about editor? Or, still yet, Webmaster AND Editor? A Webmaster does not, by any means, mean Editor. Simply because someone is a webmaster (someone who controls the site, updates the postings, etc. . . ) does not mean that the person is an EDITOR (someone who corrects the work, proofreads, re-writes, re-words, etc?) of the work posted on the site. In many cases, webmasters who are disguising themselves as editors are giving real editors a bad name. A webmaster, will too often post submissions "as is" and not give a damn about the content or presentation. However, if a site has someone who can both edit and be a webmaster then the site is moving in the right direction.

This is the main problem source. Building a website, and getting work "published" on a website is so easily done by anyone whether they have talent or not that it de-values the word "published" and lessens the role of an Editor.

Granted, the internet IS a great marketing tool for promoting your work, getting your name in the public's eye, and getting writing experience, but have you ever asked yourself why your work is ONLY published online? Perhaps it is because no discerning EDITOR has ever seen your dribbly poems, except in browsing the web for bad poems to laugh at.

Here are a few tips that will help you to get your work published online. Hey, I figured if you're going to be a fool about getting your unpolished work published on the internet for the world to see, I'd give a few tips to help your bad poetry stay that way, since you seem to like that way best:

  • Place the word "Love" in your title. That's a major plus!

  • Be straight-forward, don't use symbols, metaphors or anything that will make the reader think. Readers don't have time to think.

  • Focus on form-(sonnets, villanelles, haiku). Since you think in form, write in form.

  • Keep your poem in a rhyme-scheme. Why? Well, EVERYONE knows that all GOOD poems rhyme, the rest can be disregarded as a post-modern mess!

  • Only write in YOUR point of view. Write exactly what you believe, never try to portray the image of someone else. Better yet, start the poem with "I".

  • Keep your poems untitled. Readers love to be creative and imagine what the title should and could be.

  • Write in the same place. If you write in your bedroom-always write there; if you write outside under a tree-always write there---why try variety and ruin a good thing?

  • Don't ever base a character in a poem on someone you actually KNOW. Heaven forbid you get the piece published, and have to explain to the person-"this is you".

  • Read, but if you don't like a poem or a poet-just toss it. Don't even question why you don't appreciate the work.

  • Have no structure. Poetry is about limitless expressions, right? So in that sense, make your lines and stanzas as long as you wish. Just write exactly how you feel!

  • Don't keep a journal. Journal causes too much self-reflection and you want to write for the moment, not yesterday.

  • Use clich?s as much as possible. People like to read familiar phrases.

  • Not every line of a poem is important. Just make sure you have a good first and last line.

    14.Poems don't progress, that's the difference between a story and a poem. Poems aren't suppose to take you on a journey to learn.

  • Submit your poems to only websites. That way, you will never have to face the fact that your poetry SUCKS, because it will only be read by the friends and relatives to whom you give the site's URL, and your friends will never tell you that reading your poetry is greater torture than letting a small, sharp-clawed guinea pig walk on their sunburned skin.

    If you follow these guidelines, and start writing, you will be a "poet" in no time. Remember that poetry HAS to rhyme, and remember that the less you practice the better you are.

    Joking aside-you might want to try doing exactly opposite of the "tips" in the list. And, since many webmasters (who are titling themselves Editor) aren't doing their job, it's up to you to learn to edit your work before you embarrass yourself.

    (This article is not commenting that ALL online poetry is not well-crafted. But the poorly crafted poetry far outweighs the well-written by a landslide.)

    About The Author

    Stephen Jordan, a Medical Editor in Greenwich, Connecticut, currently lives in New York City, has five years experience within the educational publishing industry. Stephen was a freelance editor with such educational foundations as Princeton Review, The College Board, New York University, and Columbia University. Away from the office, Stephen promotes his creative writing, painting, and his home-based freelance business OutStretch Publications. Stephen holds two Bachelor of Arts degrees in writing and literature from Alderson-Broaddus College of Philippi, West Virginia.

    editor@outstretch.net

    executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport car
    In The News:

    Getting virus alerts on your iPhone? Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you learn how to handle fake scam alerts and boost security.
    Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says opening emails is safe, but risks arise from interacting with links, attachments or HTML content.
    Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals four signs of compromised Social Security numbers and offers five steps to protect yourself.
    Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how MAB Robotics' Honey Badger 4.0, a versatile robot, now walks underwater with amphibious skills.
    An updated Android trojan called FakeCall hijacks bank calls. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Android phone manufacturers and Google need to step up their game on security.
    The Massimo Modular E9 is a sleek, smart and comfy tiny home in 409 square feet. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson takes a closer look at what the future of housing might look like.
    Every stock trader should consider a virtual private network to safeguard their trading, according to tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson.
    Apple recently announced its new lineup of Macs and rolled out Apple Intelligence, its latest artificial intelligence-powered feature for its products.
    A Swiss-engineered robot can climb ladders, showing why it's at the cutting edge of autonomous robotic solutions for harsh industrial settings.
    Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson presents the cities targeted most by robocalls, why this is happening and what you can do about it to protect your privacy.
    Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
    Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson shares tips and suggestions for how to get the best use out of the updated Calendar app available with the latest iOS update.
    Your Social Security number, your unique identifier used for many purposes, has likely been leaked on the Dark Web; here are some steps you can take to protect yourself.
    Researchers have developed a new technology that creates strong, sticky fibers capable of lifting objects and capturing things from a distance.
    Smart rings track the same things that smartwatches do, including steps, sleep and a general overview of your overall health, and they tend have more battery life than smartwatches.
    Researchers have developed a robotic finger that can perform routine medical exams like those conducted by doctors, helping to address the growing shortage of trained professionals.
    Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
    Insurance administrative services company Landmark Admin reported that a data breach from a May cyberattack affected over 800,000 people.
    Sotheby's will auction the first artwork created by Ai-Da, the world's first robot artist created in 2019 by British gallerist Aidan Meller.
    More than 250 million users of the Verizon Messages app will have to switch to another app. Verizon is shutting down Messages in the next month.
    Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson provides a list of 10 celebrities who are the most targeted by deepfake scams, including Tom Hanks.
    Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Vast's Haven-1, launching in 2025, transforms space living with human-centric design.
    UnitedHealth confirms over 100 million Change Healthcare users had their data stolen. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals what happened and what caused the breach.
    Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how iOS 18 brings new text formatting and animated effects to the Messages app.
    Whether you're a social media veteran or novice, Facebook friend request scams are common. Kurt the CyberGuy provides tips to keep your account safe.
  • Starting a Local Writers Group

    My husband is no poet, so when I offer my... Read More

    A Series of Articles on Autobiography

    ESSAYS ON AUTOBIOGRAPHY: NUMBER 1Preamble:Nearly seven years ago I wrote... Read More

    How to Build A Success Freelance Career (Part 2)

    Part 1 of this article discussed the experience you need... Read More

    Why Every Freelancer Should Have A Web Site

    "Do I send samples, a media kit, or just the... Read More

    The Iniquitous Slip

    All the famous writers I heard of could paper the... Read More

    Who Said That? Making Dialogue Crystal Clear

    Recently, I was hunting for a book that would simply... Read More

    Three 30 Day Journaling Ideas

    Here are 3 journaling or diary ideas that can contribute... Read More

    The Value of Adding Images to Technical Documentation

    It's clich?, but true-a picture does paint a thousand words.... Read More

    Finish Your Book Already!

    I owe the completion and success of my book to... Read More

    Book Publishing Contracts For Writers: What Should I Look Out For?

    Dave, I just got a contract for a book... Read More

    Starting a Freelance Writing Career (or Thoughts About Taking the Plunge)

    Nike's ad has taken on new meaning for me of... Read More

    Hunting for Markets Over the Holidays

    Chances are, you'll be busy over the next several weeks.... Read More

    Spiritual Journaling

    Whether you keep a separate spiritual journal or just want... Read More

    Writing Business Letters That Get The Job Done

    Despite the widespread use of e-mail in commerce today, traditional... Read More

    5 Effective Web Writing Tips

    Writing for the web is very different from writing for... Read More

    7 Ways to Turn Readers Into Friends

    Back in my school days, if the teacher demanded a... Read More

    Why I Write

    I started writing as a way of keeping safe memories... Read More

    A Mode of Transportation

    Great writing transports one vicariously to realms that the reader... Read More

    Im Just The Writer

    Writers are often are greatly surprised or disappointed by how... Read More

    Letter Writing Journaling

    When you read a letter from someone, we are immediately... Read More

    Discover the Magic of the Most Beautiful Words in the English Language

    'Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always... Read More

    Writing Press Releases That Get Noticed

    Among the various foolproof methods used to boost traffic to... Read More

    Journaling

    How many of you take the time to really write... Read More

    Are Writing Exercises Effective?

    It was reported that the great American author Sinclair Lewis... Read More

    Tips for First Time Authors : 2 Easy Steps to Make Your First Book a Success

    Congratulations on writing your first book. That is quite an... Read More

    O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..