To Tell If You Are A Literary Snob

"I don't know if I should put 'writer' on my business card," I murmured.

"Then don't," my wife said in her infinite wisdom. "Put 'author' on it."

"But if I put 'author' on, none of those big companies with overflowing coffers will want to hire me as a writer," I said, wondering if George Bush needed a speechwriter or if General Motors wanted someone to write the owner's manual for next year's Oldsmobile.

"Fine. Put 'writer' on your card then, and all those fancy people you give it to will know you can write for them."

"But writer looks so small," I pointed out. "I also want Fortune 500 companies to hire me as a speaker, and nobody important hires a writer to speak. They hire authors."

"OK, why don't you put both?" she offered.

"Ho, right. That'll impress them. A writer who can't even write his own business card with duplicating his redundancies," I said. "I might as well shoot myself with my own sword."

In the end, I put "author", figuring I would get most writing jobs over the Internet, but when I speak live I would have to hand out cards to lots of people. An author's autograph would make those people giddy as strawberry Jell-O on the Amtrak Express. Those same people would search nervously for a graceful retreat from the company of a mere writer.

What is it about being an author.? You can author an article or a report or just about anything. And you can be the author of just about anything (including "your own misfortunes"). But you can't be "an author - period" unless you've published a book.

Big warning: writing a book does not count. I have a friend who wrote a book. That makes him a writer, not an author. When he publishes it, only THEN will he be a real author and only THEN will he be entitled to learn the authors' secret handshake. Don't try sneaking into the clubhouse on the scant pretext that your wrote a book. Anybody can write a book. Even a writer. You have to publish the book to get through these gates of glory.

But if my friend does publish, and he does become an author, and he does learn the secret hand shake, then he'll be ready to cross that threshold of pride when a reader he's never met before tells him, "I just couldn't put your book down."

Well, not quite. In fact, his book is about humorous anecdotes from many years in his particular profession. Hmm. That wouldn't qualify him as an author, even if he publishes. It would put him in that blurry purgatory between "writer" "and" "author" in the company of so many silver medal winners who almost made it and whose names we almost remember .

Why? Because he doesn't qualify for that crucial qualifying praise, "I just couldn't put your book down." That comment is reserved for novels, "serious" non-fiction like biographies and history, and how-to books on topics that require wads of glue. Other lowly books just don't count.

But what if a lowly book could attract an " I just couldn't put your book down?" Would that make the writer an author, or would the author remain just a writer?

My book is a self-help book. Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness. Self-help books are certainly not considered second-class books by the literary elite. They wouldn't even let self-help books into fourth class. In other words, mine is not a title any self-respecting New York Times book reviewer would allow to qualify for "I just couldn't put your book down."

At least, not in theory. But several people have said exactly that. (Too bad they said it to me and not to the New York Times.)

One lady even apologized for not calling me back one morning because she had stayed up into the wee hours of the morning reading my book. Now that's the kind of feedback that makes an author smile. What the heck, that kind of feedback would make even a writer smile.

Call me a writer. Call me an author. I couldn't care less. As long as you tell me "I just couldn't put your book down," I'm happy as a pig in ? uh ? Jell-O.

About The Author

David Leonhardt is the Happy Guy, author ?No, make that writer. No, wait. Yes, he's an author. But he's also a writer. And a book reviewer. And a speaker. This article is an excerpt from the popular ebook Musings, written by a dozen prominent authors. Pick up your free copy at http://www.thehappyguy.com/ happiness-self-actualization-products.html. Or sign up for your free "Daily Dose of Happiness" at http://www.thehappyguy.com/

http://www.thehappyguy.com/

shuttle from O'Hare Brocton .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Experts say hackers who used to focus on Windows operating systems are increasingly targeting Apple IDs as part of a new phishing campaign.
Unitree, a Chinese robotics company that developed a backflipping robot, has now introduced a humanoid robot capable of doing a side flip.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
According to the FBI, cybercriminals are sending extortion letters, threatening to release victims' sensitive information unless a ransom is paid.
FireSat is a satellite project designed to detect and track wildfires early, aiming to detect a fire that's the size of a classroom within 20 minutes.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reports that researchers have uncovered a Chrome vulnerability used in a cyber espionage campaign.
Preserving voicemails securely on Android: Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals easy methods to keep memories alive forever.
This phishing kit bypasses 2FA via session hijacking and real-time credential theft. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers four ways to stay safe from Astaroth phishing attacks.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses Joby Aviation and Virgin Atlantic planning to launch 200-mph U.K. air taxis linking airports and cities.
Fake Apple virus warnings, security alerts and messages are tactics used to prompt you to call a number or click on a malicious link. The CyberGuy explains how to protect your devices.
The combination of artificial intelligence and neuroscience allows a paralyzed man to manipulate a robotic arm by using his brain to imagine movements.
With the help of artificial intelligence, sophisticated fraud techniques emerging today are virtually undetectable to the untrained eye.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
If you need to free up space on your Mac, consider deleting duplicate photos in your image library. Apple makes it easy to do, and the CyberGuy explains the process.
Microsoft is discontinuing Skype in May after 22 years of service. Kurt the CyberGuy addresses other options for internet-based phone and video service.
Tron 1, a Chinese company's two-legged robot, is versatile and can walk, roll and pivot, even on rough terrain. Tron 1 stands 33 inches tall and weighs 44 pounds.
Hackers are tricking people into installing password-stealing malware by making them press keyboard shortcuts under the pretense of proving they're not bots.
Saving the voices of loved ones can be a comforting way to keep alive memories. Kurt "the CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how to preserve voicemail messages.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
The FBI warns that some free online document converters load malware onto people's computers, making their private information vulnerable to attack.
Toyota's compact electric FT-Me is designed to tackle challenges of city living while offering an accessible and eco-friendly transportation solution.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 23andMe's bankruptcy raises data privacy fears: Opt out, download and delete data now.
UBTech and Zeekr unite with AI robot swarms to make car manufacturing faster and smarter. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how the process works.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Apple's Passwords app had a three-month phishing flaw from iOS 18 to 18.2 patch.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how this super-small electric mini-truck takes a big step toward production.

Recipe for a Style Guide

Wired Online has recently announced its plans to drop capitalization... Read More

Planning Time To Write

In his book, "Achieving Financial Independence as a Freelance Writer,"... Read More

Be Your Own Literary Agent and Get Published

So you're one of 20 million Americans who want to... Read More

Before You Write Your Book, Organize Its Parts - Part 1

If you are a serious writer who wants to publish... Read More

The Psychology Of Effortless Writing

I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of... Read More

Secrets Of Successful Authors

When the writing bug hits you, get out your pencil,... Read More

Do I Have To Be A Good Writer to Market My Own Business?

Many of the most effective low-cost marketing strategies require writing.... Read More

Untrue Father (A short Story)

Kallu was a tenant of Santosh Kumar Nayak. Santosh Kumar... Read More

A Few Keys to Writing Effective Dialogue

Every writer expends a great deal of creative energy developing... Read More

Blank Mind, Blank Screen: Need Ideas!

Q. I'm staring at a blank screen with an equally... Read More

Writing the Chapters of Your Life: Surprising Insights Using This Special Journaling Technique

List-making is a favorite journaling technique and is often used... Read More

Are You a Freelance Writer? - Then You Need a Website

As a freelance writer, it is important to present yourself... Read More

Revving Up Your Writing Productivity

Productivity begins by recognizing and valuing your brilliance, time, and... Read More

What You May Not Learn In College... (Part Two)

If you become a writer for any publication, private business,... Read More

Have You Plotted Your Story Before Writing It?

Creative Writing Tips ?The writer, who doesn't have the time... Read More

Slow Pokes: Short Story On The Changing World Of Writing

"No one will ever know who I am, I'm a... Read More

A Single Technique

Writing is hard work, and like all hard work, one... Read More

How To Cut the Clutter and Win Readers

Most of us hate housework.Nevertheless, even the most hopeless slobs... Read More

In Your Own Words

More Tips For New Writers (Part I)Explain in your own... Read More

Persisting With Bulldog Determination

Persisting With Bulldog Determination [Book excerpt from Successercising} by Rick... Read More

Taming The Book Proposal

Taming the Book Proposal: The BasicsOh, that most maddening of... Read More

Starting a Freelance Writing Career (or How I Sifted Through the Muck and Found My Way)

So, the decision is final. I am a writer.Actually, I... Read More

Writing Made Them Rich #4: Paulo Coelho

Paulo Coelho was born on August 24th 1947 in Rio... Read More

Effective Collaboration - Working With Your Ghostwriter

Using a ghostwriter to craft your free reprint articles and... Read More

The Many Paths to Plotting

For several years before I left teaching to write full... Read More

Chicago charter limousine service Hickory Hills ..