Home
>
Writing
>
Writing Technique: The Restaurant Syndrome

Writing Technique: The Restaurant Syndrome

Picture this scene.

Your hero is sitting in a bar. He's thinking about things... life, death, taxes, the way he's being chased by a serial killer... whatever.

While he thinks, he sips his beer/Jim Beam/wine/etc.

Sip.

He thinks some more.

Sip.

He makes a casual comment to the barperson.

Sip.

He looks over his shoulder and sees the killer in the doorway and beats a hasty retreat to the men's.

Thank goodness. Because at least this means he leaves the darned drink behind!

Of course, the scene isn't written in quite such a bare-bones form as the one you see above. But the reader gets bored anyway. The problem is, the author hasn't made an effort to show the character doing something other than drinking. (Yes, I know that's probably why he's in the bar in the first place... but your job as the author is to think about what else he might be doing.)

Example

Tony sipped at his beer and thought about what to do next. The guy wasn't going to give up; that much was obvious. How come he knew so much? Where Tony worked, his weekend routine, his sister's address...

How the hell had he found out where Mandy lived? She'd only been there a month or so. He gulped down another mouthful of the beer. As though she hadn't suffered enough. Now this.

Of course, if he knew all that, he probably knew that this was where Tony came to drink, too. He could be out there right now, watching.

It was an effort not to turn and look towards the door. Instead, he tilted the glass and let the liquid flow down his throat. If he was out there, let him make the next move.

He caught the barman's eye, pointed a finger at the glass and nodded. If Tony sits here for much longer without any action, we're likely to watch while he sips the beer, swallows the beer, and gulps the beer. He'll drain the glass; tilt the glass and stare into the amber depths; idly swish the liquid around in the glass... do I need go on?

We've all seen scenes like this. They seem to happen when people are:

in a bar or club drinking
in a restaurant eating
in a kitchen making & drinking coffee or tea

If they are drinking, they continually sip/slurp/drink/drain glasses etc.

If they are in a restaurant, they "take a bite of" this and "spear another forkful" of that. You'll read lines like "he took another bite"; "he ate some more steak"; "he drank some more wine" ad nauseam.

You'll find characters drinking coffee, sipping it (again... a lot of sipping goes on in books); blowing on the coffee to cool it; stirring it; dropping lumps of sugar in it; adding cream or milk to it... until the reader feels like screaming "I KNOW HOW COFFEE IS MADE! I KNOW HOW TO DRINK IT TOO!"

You might be sitting there thinking: Well, so what? Isn't it logical that people would eat when they go to a restaurant? Shouldn't you show them having a drink?

Sure. That's fair enough. But once you show them having a sip of wine or a forkful of chicken schnitzel, stop.

Take a mental look around. (No, not around you. Around the setting in which you've placed your characters.)

Who else is there? What are they doing?
What else is going on around the main character(s)?
What mood is the main character in? How can you show this by actions other than eating or drinking?
How might the conversation lead to other actions taken by the main character?
Can you think of a twist that would lead to extra suspense or humour in a commonplace setting?
Is the character uncomfortable for some reason, so this discomfort becomes the main focus of his/her attention? (e.g. tight new clothes, an unfamiliar pain or ache, a headache, an allergy to the other person's perfume or aftershave?)

Once you start thinking, there are many, many other things that you can show your characters doing. Use them to your advantage.

The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay

It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the effort, the reader will be ready to lynch you.

Do you have your characters continually talking over coffee?
How many scenes are there in which you send your characters out to eat or drink?

Remember that most of us squeeze a lot into our days. We move around the house, we drive from A to B, we go shopping, take out the garbage and go to the movies.

We interact with our friends and families in many different ways. Next time you write a scene, try to steer away from the obvious. Look for details that will help you add depth to character, create humour or build suspense.

Not sure if you're guilty of 'the restaurant syndrome'?

Try this. Open up your word processor, access your story file and do a search for the following terms: sip/sipped/drank/coffee/drink

ate/forkful/bite/food If you come up with 156 instances of the word 'drank' or 'sipped', you might be in trouble :-) Time for a rewrite...

Marg McAlister has published magazine articles, short stories, books for children, ezines, promotional material, sales letters and web content. She has written 5 distance education courses on writing, and her online help for writers is popular all over the world. Sign up for her regular writers' tipsheet at http://www.writing4success.com/

cleaning service near Bannockburn ..

In The News:

Choose between OpenAI releasing Sora text-to-video model, the AI race heating up, or Waymo driverless cars launching in cities across the country

Learn how to set up Google Maps and Apple Maps on your phone to automatically remember where you parked. Step-by-step instructions for enabling location services and parking detection.

Phishing scammers use rnicrosoft.com domain to impersonate Microsoft by replacing "m" with "rn" in typosquatting attacks that steal login credentials.

OpenAI announces new teen safety rules for ChatGPT users under 18, blocking romantic roleplay and requiring extra caution on body image topics.

A 2025 data breach at fintech company 700Credit exposes personal information of more than 5.8 million people through compromised third-party integration partner.

Retailers lose $76.5 billion annually to return fraud as nearly 10% of U.S. retail returns involve fraudulent activity, with $850 billion in returns expected in 2025.

ShinyHunters claims responsibility for stealing 94GB of Pornhub user data affecting over 200 million records and demands Bitcoin ransom.

ChatGPT 2025 now connects to Apple Music, Canva, Expedia, TripAdvisor and OpenTable through built-in apps that help users create playlists, design graphics and more.

Apple releases emergency patches for two zero-day vulnerabilities actively exploited in attacks. iPhone and iPad users urged to update immediately.

DoorDash launches Zesty, an AI-powered social app that recommends restaurants through conversational search, now testing in San Francisco and New York.

Cybersecurity firm Infoblox reveals that over 90 percent of parked domains now redirect visitors to scams and malware, making simple typos extremely dangerous.

The Fox News AI Newsletter covers the latest artificial intelligence technology advancements, including the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

GPT-5.2 is now live for all ChatGPT users with improved coding, writing and image interpretation, with Kurt Knutsson offering his review.

New iPhone replacement scam uses pressure tactics and fake carrier calls to steal devices from buyers. Criminals claim shipping errors and demand urgent returns.

Amazon Ring's new facial recognition feature sparks privacy controversy as Electronic Frontier Foundation critics argue the AI upgrade expands surveillance risks.

New Android banking trojan Sturnus steals credentials, reads encrypted messages and controls devices.

Denmark's 3D-printed student village proves automation builds 36 apartments faster than traditional methods. Skovsporet project shows housing future.

Discover Android's new Sound Notifications feature that alerts you to smoke alarms, doorbells, and baby cries even when wearing headphones.

New SantaStealer malware reportedly threatens holiday shoppers with password theft. This Christmas-themed info-stealer targets browsers and crypto wallets.

The Christmas season brings a surge in Netflix phishing scams targeting shoppers with fake emails. Stacey P received convincing scam but verified account first.

San Francisco Giants invite Jamie Grohsong to throw ceremonial first pitch at Oracle Park after he learned to play baseball with a bionic hand following an injury.

FBI warns cybercriminals are stealing family photos from social media to create fake proof of life images in virtual kidnapping scams targeting victims.

Instagram's new 'Your Algorithm' tool lets you control your Reels feed in real time. The app now gives you power to customize what videos you see.

Major Marquis fintech breach exposes 400,000-plus Americans' data through unpatched SonicWall vulnerability, with Texas hardest hit at 354,000 affected.

Free up iPhone storage fast by clearing large photos and videos from Messages app. Simple steps for iOS users to delete attachments without losing chats.